I woke early for holiday rite of passage.
Donned ruffled apron,
nervously followed step by step instructions.
Washed bird inside and out
removed gizzards.
Stir fried burger with celery and onion,
added to large pan of bagged bread cubes
mixed with chicken stock, butter and sage.
Stuffed turkey to the gills,
plastered skin with olive oil and Bell's Seasoning,
covered loosely with foil.
Plopped bird into oven, set to 350 degrees.
Peeled potatoes and squash,
washed and prepped green beans
as homemade cranberry sauce
simmered on the stove.
Arranged pickle and olive dish,
ironed tablecloth, envisioned
ample compliments.
Family arrived with smiles, hugs, pies.
Men settled in to watch football.
Mom breezed into the kitchen,
glanced at the electric stove.
"How long has your bird been in the oven?"
"About five hours. Why?"
"Your oven isn't at the set temperature yet."
"WHAT?"
"The light on the stove stays on until the oven
heats to the temp you set."
"WHAT!
I thought that light just meant that the oven was ON"
I wailed.
Removed turkey from the oven,
scooped stuffing into casserole dishes,
set aside to nuke.
Switched from "Bake" to "Broil".
T h r e e . m o r e . h o u r s .
Jumbo mixed nuts long gone.
Brothers scooped mashed potatoes
from the stove.
Dad scraped jar of peanut butter,
smeared dregs on saltines,
then reached for Campbell's ...
I refilled pickle and olive dish three times.
Mom barked orders, sis and I scurried.
Rescued broiled bird from the oven.
Sat.
Blessed.
Carved.
Served.
"Help yourself to LOTS of gravy ..."
Joyce Josephson
Author notes
Postlude: Bill (my husband) had a habit of "baking"
his bowling balls in the oven at low temperatures.
We found out that doing so released carcinogens
which could not be removed.
So, instead of replacing the baking element
we had to buy a new stove (boohoo).
In a list
A contest entry
- Experiencing Technical Difficulties by Mirthryl.
775 points, ended October 24, 2008, 3 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - #155 This year I’m eating at your house! by daviscth.
525 points, ended November 11, 2008, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Make Me Feel Again by lilblueeyesmine1978.
525 points, ended January 15, 55 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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Tis is cute and it paints a very vivid story in my mind. I can see you and mother and sis scurring about like chickens with your heads cut off. Thanks for enter ing my contest and food luck in the future.
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LMAO!!! Okay, you are also invited to my house and you can bring the gravy!!! The humor in this was a delight to read....
Reminds me of that time I tried to cook a turkey on our old wood burning cook stove, needless to say it didn't turn out so well. Thanks for this wonderful entry. I enjoyed it very much. -
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This really happened to me!
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Poor Suzy! The "firsts" of the aspiring domestic goddess can be fraught with peril! I remember the Bells seasoning...
Loved "donned ruffled apron"--proper attire invites inspiration to great undertakings. Touching "envisioned ample compliments," followed by the maternal reality check.
Outstanding usage of spacing and punctuation to present the small infinity that then began, waiting for the bird to cook.
Painful description of the light snacks inadequately substituting for late lunch, especially if folks arrived empty to have more room for the feast. Satisfying conclusion, "Carved. Served. Sat. Blessed...Help yourself to LOTS of gravy!" Some meals need a little more blessing than others, don't they?
Made me smile
Thank you for you entry.
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