You made me feel like an oriental preistess
Studying me like the Mona Lisa
Imitating her 'smile'
or was it a grimace?
Your eyes were a crusty brown,
much like cardboard blocking the thoughts
beyond your porcelein features
threatening to break at the slightest discomfort
tearing the cardboard that kept you at bay
We were connected
In some twisted way
perhaps it was simply attraction
seeping into my pores like heroin
Exiting in rash decisions
Though I could never hate you,
You put life into my sunken pillow
filling it with broken dreams
something to hold onto
when you decided nightmares
matched my eyes
You burn like unground pepper
dissolving into my waiting tastebuds
and though it hurts
I crave more
I suppose,
Pain is better than nothing
Author notes
Word Bank Prompt:
orient
beyond
attract
keyhole
pepper
pillow
A contest entry
- Word Bank Quickie by Polaja.
1200 points, ended October 19, 2008, 12 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
criticm welcome.
Comments
-
I really love the third stanza of this poem ... it made a big impact on me, very effective in adding to the 'gritty' feel of the poem
I think the word 'hate' is a little overused for this poem ... and the last two lines would be stronger if they were switched around (I suppose/ pain is better than nothing) - because you wouldn't be ending on the indecisiveness of 'I suppose' ... but all in all I really enjoyed this poem and the way you created imagery in places like 'unground pepper' and 'crusty brown' was interesting there a few spelling errors and such that I think could be editted out too - like 'pours' should be 'pores', 'dessolving' should be 'dissolving', 'porcelein' should be 'porcelain' - just a few examples ... thank you for entering this contest!
Keep writing
Polly
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