He visited the sea
and saw her in the water
her face tilted with
the smile she gave no one else.
walked toward the waves
and pulled in her waist
holding on for dear life
all the missing nights since.
He tried to kiss her,
skin warm and fragrant
feel her chestnut hair
fingers eager to touch
what was so real, so real
but the water turned cold
and her rose cheeks wilted;
she flowed out on the ebb
long before we ever thought
and bubbles swallowed her voice.
Tears welled in his eyes,
glad to have sensed her in
the dream that caved in his chest;
how could she leave?
“Just tell me”, he asked,
“ how will I manage?”
"Oh, you will, and I am fine, she said
I’ll see you again…soon enough."
Then, he knew
it was a good a time as any...
to go for a swim.
Author notes
For my brother-in-law in the reality of losing my sister. Thank God
she knew where she was going!
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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This is a poignant story very well written. I love the way you use water and the lines "she flowed out on the ebb/long before we ever thought/and bubbles swallowed her voice." Good write.
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awww....it starts off so sad. the memories of a loved one and the pain of loss. but i love at the end how you lighten the poem and the reader sees the progress of loss. it always hurts but somehow you find yourself looking back and you smile instead of cry. interesting!
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100th Hood-Wink!
This is a heartbreaking poem - but you have crafted the ending perfectly to show that this world is here to be enjoyed, and separation is not forever
the sentiment of this poem is beautiful, I really like the descriptives and formatting (especially the italics) this is a touching poem 
Keep writing
Polly
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Hood Wink!
Wow.
I am truly speechless after reading this; This could be the beginning of an amazing movie!
♥
Stay safe
~Manda
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This is such a heartfelt write for your brother in law (and I think, in part, for you).
"her face tilted with
the smile she gave no one else"
Those lines made me smile. It is a heartwarming thought, like a secret between the two of them. A moment that was private and beautiful, I feel a little awkward looking in, but kept reading as my heart filled with the love they must have shared.
Losing someone so close to you can feel like losing a part of yourself.. like a limb... or your heart...a part of you that you need to get up everday, to walk around... a part that you need to breath. It is so hard to see the world keep spinning when your world is being shattered.. and then to try to understand why you were given this pain.. and trying to move away from the pain that consumes you.... like drowning in an empty swimming pool.
This pain, I would describe as Saudade.
You have touched my heart,
Criss
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Never ceasing to amaze. Never ceasing to just be real amid the metaphors. Like having another sister, you are. I already have one like you. Same number of swirls around the sun, and same bueatiful spirit. I wish you well dear sister and thanks for all the times you have patted me on the behind and said, "Keep going little brother, it'll be ok." To be able to write about a personal situation like this just adds to your credibility. RC
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Thank you for the reminder of the reality of the gift of life, and of the hope we have because of God's greatest act of love, even in the face of enormous loss.
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Outstanding
I thought you captured his thoughts and feelings very well with some strong empathy. This poem is full of sadness and yet the images are exquisite and give the poem a bitter/sweet feeling.
but the water turned cold
and her rose cheeks wilted;
Love is not always straight-forward and yet there is hope for a reunion at some point. Over all this poem is quite sensual (especially the second stanza) and talks about love with understanding and compassion. A great little poem.
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This is wistfully beautiful.
Sadness is handled well with imagistic control through the tide metaphor.
It is delightful to come across genuinely moving verse as yours. Lyndon.
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she flowed out on the ebb
long before we ever thought
and bubbles swallowed her voice.
Tears welled in his eyes,
glad to have sensed her in
the dream that caved in his chest;
how could she leave?
Perfection.
I admit that I put off reading this one because I knew it was going to be sad. It was sad enough for tears.
Of course, we get to the end and realize that there will be eventual reunification, that the wounds of the heart will heal, but that is not today and the sadness is very much today.
That sense of loss must be just a fraction of what our Creator must feel at the thought of our separation from Him.
Honestly, I think this is one of your best ever. It is heartbreaking and beautiful and it evokes such strong emotions in the reader.
Thank you for sharing this one. I imagine it was not an easy one to write. While I know your sister is safe and well, I'm also sorry to hear of the loss for all of those left behind. Even temporary separations can be sad.
Excellent write. You honor your brother-in-law and your sister with this. Most of all, you honor the love they shared.
Garrison
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Thank you so much for sharing and caring within this grief. I had a time with it and as with most of what is critical, still do. However, I had to consider myself 'him' and what it must feel like sometimes.
By the way, I must tell you that I read the 'snow' poem ( from our "Verlies" book) to a neighbor of mine while in a coma. She left to be with the Lord this morning. Yes. I read it because it started out so beautifully, unbeknownst to me who the author would be. I cried!
.
So, what goes around comes around. Glad I can now depend on that pattern of
life's seeds being sowed. ( Geesh, I'm old enough..lol.)
Thank you so much again!
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If only we could all face death with confidence. We hold so tightly to life and loss, concentrating on them to the exclusion of everything else including the possibility of joy. You have put this beautifully.
Best wishes
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Cookie, this is really wow so heartfelt and beautifully done brings a comfort to the mind and heart the feel to it. Because it reflects hope and a peace through the mouring knowing there is no suffering and only eternal life with Christ where your sister is happy and in enteral love with Him.
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oh Di, how my heart brakes for you in reading this last stanza and realizing the full effect of it. I will hold you in my prayer for the next week but if would like to talk call me 972-805-3533 anytime is ok.
God bless you girl.
Tamara
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Oh,I am so sorry for your berevement, both of you and all related.Gripping emotions flow out from this.And I agree with this authors thoughts on a loved ones faith in knowing the reunion on the next level we all move to.Bless her sweet spirit and also those who miss her.
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