It might be too hard for you
To turn off that smile
I know you enjoy me in pain
But please, leave me in darkness
The edges of your lips
Create a crooked smile
From a crooked man
Who simply enjoys suffering
Your smile,
The smile of evil
Glows with a neon light
When you see me cry
The light will blind me
But isn't that what you want?
See me hurt even more
Which creates a larger smile upon your face
This light, it is too bright
I want to hide in darkness
Allow it to cover me
In a rich blanket of sins
Author notes
I did a poem for every one of these entries (I couldn't pick) So, I just picked any one of them... I did option C (I hope you could tell)
THANKS!
A contest entry
- What Can You Do With These? Eh? by Kylaya Halon.
450 points, ended November 8, 2008, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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i love this !! great job!
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WOW. Fantastic. I love how you wrote this. Very nicely penned. I can just see that evil smile... *shudder*
Great job..its a shame you didn't place in the contest
Kat -
Woot woot
Wow. I love this. Your word choice was awesome. I think everyone has one of these people in their life. This reminded me of my Ex but, ugh, i don't want to talk about something negative. Great write. Surprised you did not take home a prize. Keep writing. -
*gasp* your poem is worthy of my gasp!
good work!!! poor you!!! but I like it great write!!! I feel the emotion flowing! (wow, that sounded lame) hehe, good write! -
nice write...
a very sombre, macabre, piece that has such a dark overtone. I like it. Nice take on the prompt.
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This light, it is too bright
I want to hide in darkness
Allow it to cover me
In a rich blanket of evil
i love this part. great job
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Nice job!
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I love this part, "This light, it is too bright
I want to hide in darkness
Allow it to cover me
In a rich blanket of evil"
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Great write! I know the feeling sometimes. I don't neccessarily think people around me enjoy seeing me in pain but there are times when I'm not feeling happy and because of it don't want to be around people who are happy.
I also agree with lindaburns. The last word is kind of confusing. In the beginning you say:
"Your smile,
The smile of evil
Glows with a neon light
When you see me cry"
And in the end you say:
"This light, it is too bright
I want to hide in darkness
Allow it to cover me
In a rich blanket of evil"
You seem to be giving the word "evil" two different meanings.
Keep writting. -
lovely write you have here. beautifully penned and the emotions given off by this poem is vast. well written! good luck in the contest!
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OK. I get it all except the last word. It seems like “forgetfulness” or “shadow” or “slumber”. The other person’s smile is evil and you want to get away from evil rather than cover yourself in it. Good write. Except for that confusing last word.
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i love the idea of switching of a smile, its a very sad thought, but something that im sure goes on
a great way to express it
great write
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sorry!
It is sad how the thoughts and actions of others effect us. We can choose not to pay attention, but we really do and it hurts when we feel we are just there to amuse others. I hope you find that cloke that makes you invisable to whom ever this is. Good luck , The Shaker
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this is relatable
we all know someone who's sickening little smile makes us want to pull some teeth
not naming any names but one that comes to mind right now is g.w.bush the way he sticks his tongue out like a lying little kid.. lol
any way good write thanks
~teddybare~
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Powerful! Paints a vivid image! I can't quite tell what it's about, but I suppose the mystery about it all is the most important part. : D
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woah, this was intensely and strongly written! I loved it! i thought it was just simply amazing and brilliant. wowzerz, it was awesome! i especially enjoyed the last stanza! wonderful job! i thought it was great! good luck with your contest! =)
hugglez!!!
-adria/ xtremely-confizzled
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This is a brilliant poem. It is very bold and strong. Good luck in the contetst my friend
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Strong in its meaning and imagery, and the structure of the poem is amazing! I like how you connected each stanza to the previous, thereby making it a good read. Keep it up!
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