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Imprisoned

Darkness wraps itself
Around My heart
enraging my spirit
Keeping me its prisoner.

Author notes

ok.. that ugly word is now gone away.. Sorry. I didn't mean to offend you.
Patsy

A contest entry

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Comments


  • XChrisUnknownX
    October 23, 2008

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    Every cloud has a silver lining

    I love this. It deserved gold. I would have commented sooner, but my computer broke down sometime after I entered the contest. I can't suggest any improvements in terms of its content, however the last line could be improved in terms of grammar. "It's" stands for "It is" I believe what you were looking for was possessive.

    "Its" without the '

    I'm not criticizing, just mentioning. Taking college English and the guy is a grammar freak so it's being drilled into me. Whether you take the time to edit it or not, this poem is excellent. Again, congratulations!


  • Lady Michaella
    October 17, 2008

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    Im sorry, I must start with the bad. Please change the line Raping my spirit, maybe change raping to something more.. subtle? Im only 13.. oh wait.. today im 14! w00t!
    Anyways, Im so impresed with this poem, it is incredibly dark, and wonderful. The only thing that really disturbs me is the word raping there, plz message me if you change it, if not, im sorry but it might take away the chance of a trophy here. This truly was excelent.
    -RoseDaughter-


  • xDemonicxAngelx
    October 17, 2008

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    Oooo very dark indeed. Short but extremely powerful, I wish you all the best for the contest! Great job on this one.

    Take care