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The Starry Skies I Fly

The starry skies I fly are always in fair weather.

No more beauty could there be, than this of sapphires,

loving me sweet.

Tender strokes of moons' light alone, cast one shadow

in heart's sunny doors.

Let love frighten all shadows to dusk.

Here,

life begins in new light.

My love, my darling, my dearest love of all.

Arms of mine will always cradle thee,

hold you for all times.

And yes, your arms will carry thine heart for our eternity we'll share.

Only you can fill me, satisfy me the way you do.

Only with you in protection of arm's shelter, does completeness fill all

voids.

My starry skies we'll share, now together.

Forever entrapped, always we are one.

 

 

 

 

~Amanda Breaux~

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Comments


  • DogFish silver member
    October 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    If I may offer construtive thought, "amli".I thought the first twelve lines were really wonderful; they flowed very smoothly and would stand quite well as a poem on their own! I thought lines 13,15 and16 rather awkward making the reader stumble. Also the word "entrapped" in the last line doesn't have a good conotation when speaking about a couple's relationship.
    If it were my poem I might skip lines13-16, rework the last two line and just call it a sonnet!
    The first twelve lines were sure worth my time, though!


    • amli89
      October 18, 2008
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      I understand what you mean about those lines. I guess it makes more sense to me, but it also helps people when I read it to them instead of them reading it themselves, but thank you for the advice. I'll consider.

      • DogFish silver member
        October 18, 2008
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        Certainly take my thoughts with a grain of salt!
        And your quite right a poem read aloud by the author can bring poetry into a whole new light...I'm sure the one for whom you wrote this thinks it's...pure poetry: from stem to stern! I would.


  • Leonura
    October 17, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    A wonderful poem, full of love. very emotional.