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[ Talking shit ]

Talking shit
Coming upon forever and a day
Can't believe any of it
Cause bullshit is all you say
About me and my life
maybe cause I like to party and play
Got back pain from your knife
Guess that's how it is in Circle USA
BUT...
You're not gonna get to me
Can't even faze
I'm always gonna be...
ME the one whose always gonna BLAZE
So bitches whisper
Ya can't mettle my mind
Look in the mirror and remember
I'M BETTER THAN YOUR KIND!!!

I need a good ending, can anyone help?

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Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • Rya
    January 6
    Edit | Reply
    Hmmm...I like it...it's a good rant...the rhyme is pretty good as well....over all I liked it a lot....yeah...it's a good piece over all...i'm going to give it two thumbs up...hmmm...i hate people who can't keep their mouths shut and live their own lives but they always say that those who talk shit usually wish they were like you....keep on writing!


  • Account Closed198
    January 6

    Edit | Reply
    I know this is going to sound bigoted, but frankly this is too similar to what some people I knew in high school wrote -- a rap(ish) approach to poetry. There are common motifs to that present here, and it all feels vaguely. . . familiar.

    So all in all I guess my single suggestion is this : Do not be afraid to explore ideas, expressions, and words less than common amongst your life - try and break out of that rut, find your own motifs. The feel should be -you- that we have, not some pre-conceptions of a common manner. Keep at it, it will undoubtedly unfold.

    Ta-Ta,
    Emonquente.

  • Topnotchsy
    January 5

    Edit | Reply
    Felt like a poetic rant. Strongly worded, and carrying a lot of emotion, while still sprinkling in rhyme.


  • View From the Top
    January 5

    Edit | Reply
    I like this alot! Theres alot of emotion, I can tell that you really stand for what youre staying here. I like how confident you are, and how you wont let anyone get to you. Thats awesome! Great write my friend.


  • Harlequin Dance
    November 11, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Hmmm...for the ending, the only words I can think of that rhyme with "life" are knife, strife, rife...yeah, that's it. It's kind of hard to rhyme with. Would it still be the same if you changed it to "mind"? It's easier to rhyme it that way


  • stylization
    November 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    It doesn't seem to be very poetic... I admire the rhyming, however, and if it were intended as a rant then I hope that you feel a lot beter (:

1 - 6 of 6