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bleeding sorrow

Missing image

poetry gave her today
a place where her heart can cry


silken-wrapped inward
hidden from past fears


toted in her satchel
like a lucky charm


it leaks from ripped stitching
acid tears it bleeds in pain


onto cement sidewalks

like a visible shadow

 

 

and follows her around
etching a sorrowed trail behind

Author notes

poetryality collaborated contest
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Comments

1 - 9 of 9

  • poetryality silver member
    October 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    "a place her heart can cry"

    I think the word "where" might need to be placed between "place and her"

    "a place [where] her heart can cry"

    Other than that, these words soothe my spirit in a somber sort of way. They are akin to me. I feel the essence of "sorrow" which makes your title perfect. Your poem is melancholy in mood and, very beautifully written. I have had this time in life, and still do every now and again.

    Thank you for the chance to collaborate with you. I wish you the best in the contest.



    Much Love ♥

    Renee


  • Whispering Wind Moderators member
    October 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    very well done and as smooth as cut glass...a beautiful weave of love and sorrow. excellent you two have done a wonderful job...


  • AliceinPoetryLand gold member
    October 17, 2008

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    Just wonderful!This has such wonderful metaphors and imagery in it and I wouldn't know ti waqs a collaboration unless I knew about the contest!
    All the best with this
    Gaylene


  • Angelflower
    October 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Something that is most assuredly poetic. a wonderful poem.

    Angel


  • Cynthia Gaines gold member
    October 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    xx hugs to you xx

  • Cynthia Gaines gold member
    October 17, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    "poetry gave her today
    a place her heart can cry"

    and he listened, his
    mind alert and alive

    in love, in pain
    in love, in vain

    for only they together
    can paddle the river of rain

    and it followed them around
    etching a sorrowed trail behind.


  • YoursTrulyJulie gold member
    October 17, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Together you've both penned a beautiful poem. I liked it a lot


  • fortyninereasons gold member
    October 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I have read a couple in this contest, different views taken. Enjoyable read.

    Juls


  • PassionsPromise gold member
    October 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wonderfully done here sweets
    Best wishes to you in the contest

    enjoyable, all lines were captivating.

    Love
    Passions

1 - 9 of 9