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Memories Came Back (collab with poetryality)









Poetry gave her today
a sun sketched frown

Silken-wrapped inward
of abrasive gaze

Toted in her satchel
are zip-lock tears

It leaks from ripped stitching
down her frayed nylons

Onto cement sidewalks
to dry and flake

And follows her around
like a misty gloom

Author notes

Collab with poetryality

FINISH THIS:

poetry gave her today
silken-wrapped inward
toted in her satchel

it leaks from ripped stitching
onto cement sidewalks
and follows her around

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 11 of 11

  • sailor ptolema
    October 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    oh this is good.
    "sun sketched frown" --> lovee that


    silver.


    .


    • afroqban
      October 23, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      ahh thank u much. it was fun to write, im not really a collab person but it was my only chance to ever work with poetryality, an awesome poet! thanks for checkin it out


  • poetryality silver member
    October 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I love every single line written here, except the last. I saw it all played out then, the "misty gloom" took the image away. Maybe something more impactual, like; oh hell...I don't know...

    "like a crumbled lincoln she just earned"

    or some visual to keep me with her vivid image.

    I loved the entire feel of this writ poet! Let the ending be as powerful as the rest. It's like in Theatre; we don't allow that last word to drop. Keep it the level of the entrie sentence (line).

    Okay! Forgive my creative writing instructor cap.

    Great work here my dear poet! Your words add structure to mine and I thank you. The best to you in the contest.


    Much Love & Respect ♥

    Renee


    • afroqban
      October 17, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      im glad u liked it, except the last lol. tried to make everything blend, it was fun to do. thanks for holding this contest


  • daisybee
    October 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    You did not just finish it, you completed it-and in a very special way. Great write and contest. Good luck with this piece.

    • afroqban
      October 17, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      THANX! im glad u liked it. it was a lot of fun to write


  • afroqban
    October 17, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    thank u lots. she just wants us to write a poem using all of her lines, plus your own lines to match. its kinda fun


  • kaibab silver member
    October 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Such a brillant piecing together line by line...I never understand direction...but Maybe Renee will forgive me...


  • sheltered
    October 16, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    creative word wizardry
    that spells out sadness
    great job


  • charcoal
    October 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    love it
    zip locked tears leaking down her frayed nylons is such a strong image.

    • afroqban
      October 16, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      hey thanx! im glad u read it and liked it. ty again

1 - 11 of 11