The rain outside making a pitter patter on my window,
the sun refusing to overcome the barrier of the clouds.
The water falls in rhythm with my tears,
I just want to scream and shout.
There is no energy left in my body,
my soul is cold with fear and tired,
nothing left to hope for,
my body had retired.
On the other end is a voice,
smooth and calming with concern.
And even though he isnt there with me,
i feel as if he is with me every turn.
There is no doubt,
because he never lies,
never shouts
never cries.
There on the other line is my knight
on his horse with a sword,
and there is a seat next to him,
and he doesnt even have to say a word.
I know that spot is for me
and noone else but me,
because even when i cry,
I'm the only one he wants to see.
A contest entry
- Write about a person. by samantha jean.
600 points, ended October 31, 2008, 28 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Has this put an impact on your disision?
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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I really like the last line. In the third line you spelled "rhythm" incorrectly.
Other than that, I really enjoy the all over poem.
Good luck in the contest!
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Does this guy have a brother? I could use someone like that to go out and buy the groceries and pay for them, and maybe clean the litterbox.
An enjoyable write.
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I love knights and I really liked your last verse where you 'bring it home' Afraid I do not know enough about poetry to give "constructive criticism" as you ask, but I know I like it. Gives a feeling of relief and security at the end like sunshine after a storm
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thanx sooo much! i was thinking of my boyfriend when i wrote this. he is technecly my knight in shining armor.
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I like the last line.
Good job, thank you for entering my contest.
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