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[ I thought the trees were beautiful ]

I thought the trees were beautiful
Until I saw the sky
I lost the subtle tangled limbs
And looked past tenderly

It made me miss the quagmire twists
Its garish shining light
I missed the hidden mystery
That unfolds every the night

A contest entry

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments


  • AlittleWrong
    October 22, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    i love the way you write


  • feetus
    October 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Well done!

    I really enjoyed this.
    I like short work & this one is beautiful with
    good flow! The last line seems to interrupt
    the flow a little...perhaps wording it as-
    "I missed the hidden mystery
    that unfolds every night."
    -would maintain the flow? Just a thought.
    Thanks for entering & G'luck in the contest


    • marmac
      October 17, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Good suggestion, I think I'll do that.

      Cheers!


  • Bambi Green
    October 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    So often I remind myself to "look up!", to look at the beauty above. Nicely done. I think sometimes that fewer words are the best J.