Twer 'ard times as 'ad fallen on England
When our Albert were nowt but a lad,
Wit' war on came bombin's in London
An' food rationin', that's nerly as bad.
All't country were scrimpin' an' savin'
But twer Pa Ramsbottom as suffered the most,
Weren't a day without 'is complainin'
"By gum, I'd luv egg wi' me toast!"
Now them Germans were provin' right stubborn
So t' Mericans were givin' an' 'and,
Soon invaded the 'ole of ol' Blackpool,
From the outskirts right down to the sands.
Albert 'ad a cousin, young Elsie,
Who were quite taken up with them Yanks,
She ditched poor ol' 'Arold from Finn Street
and were carryin' on with an 'Ank!
One day that same Elsie came callin'
Said she were just stoppin' in fer some tea,
But 'er 'an's were a twitchin' an' shakin'
An' 'er eyes shone like marbles with glee.
"What's that yer got there then our Elsie?"
Asked Ma, never very polite,
But when Elsie spilt bag out on't table
She fair jumped back a mile wi' the fright.
Tweren't the silk stockin's as did it,
(Ma swore that the wool 'uns was best)
Nor the coffee and chewin' gum packets
But the unbelievable sight of the rest.
"Quick, our Albert, and pull to them curtains,
We don't want the neighbours to see
We've a kitchen like Wellin'ton Market...
By heck lad, now what's wrong with thee?"
For Albert were stood standin' gawpin'
Frozen like stone to the spot,
"Get on wi yer lad," said Pa laughin'
"Ain't yer never seen fruits, yer daft clot?!"
But Pa wi' 'is manly gufawin'
Was apt to then take 'im a seat,
Cuz 'sides from the oranges and 'nanas,
There were a dozen fresh eggs and some meat!
That night tea in t'Rambottom 'ouse'old
Were the finest they'd 'ad in a spell,
Ma 'ad stopped up the cracks in the doorway
In an effort to keep in the smell.
The clock were a chimin' out midnight
As Albert crept quiet down the stairs
"E wanted a look at them 'nanas
All's 'e'd seen 'fore were apples and pears.
Twer nigh on one when Ma 'eard the moanin'
And, convinced she were 'earin' a ghost,
Said, "Pa, it's our dead Uncle Willy,
"E's been stirred by t' smell of thy roast!"
But soon they discovered poor Albert,
Writhin' in pain down the 'all.
'E'd looked at them oranges and nanas,
Then eaten the lot, skin an' all!
"Serves 'im right!" said Ma very crossly,
Fetching a bucket and cod liver oil,
"Fer once we 'ad fruits in the pantry,
I were planin' on lettin' 'em spoil!"
And up to this day Albert Ramsbottom
Remembers Elsie, 'er 'Ank and 'er treat,
Though apples an' pears from the garden
Is the only two fruits as 'e'll eat.
Author notes
Sincere apologies to Marriott Edgar
Written January 27th, 2004
In a list
A contest entry
- Fun with Albert by Old Poetry.
300 points, ended January 31, 2004, 5 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 23 of 23
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this just goes to prove that the usa and england are two countries separated by a common language. i liked the story but it was hard for me to read.
regards,
Leo Long -
Fantastic
Black Lace just recommended this to me too, and I am forever grateful. It tickled to see you negotiate the dialect and the comic situation. It's quite a long poem, but with rhymes and meter to keep you reading, it is not a chore at all. I was agog to find out what was in the sack, and poor Albert's discomfiture, which he has never lived down, was a fitting ending. -
hey! Black Lace asked me to read this poem, I'm soooo glad i did! it's fantastic! the imagery is very vivid, its just, great really! im at a loss for words (nearly!), it's just, wow! well done! great write! ~lulu~
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Enjoyed enterting this world with you. Was turned on to this poem by BlackLace... Not sure why, except she likes your work and thought I would enjoy. I did. r.
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Very cool poem - great story, well told. Black Lace sent me and I'm glad she did. I really enjoyed this. Thanks.
Scott
Edited on May 18, 9:21 because 'typo'. -
This is fantastic, I love it. I was there, you took me to that kitchen, I could see them, I could even smell the roast. Your words have sprung forth a motion of pictures to the hearts and souls of all who read them. Excellent.
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this is a really good piece and i enjoyed reading it. the language that you have used is wicked, and the imagery that i could see you using is brilliant as well. overall though this is a great piece and i really enjot=yed reading it......... good luck in your future writes
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Okay, so I'm behind the times with commenting, but I've read it now, and really enjoyed it! Very good 'voice' all the way through, and a funny story as well! Great rhymes... thanks, birksy
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Seems to be well written not that I understood it all. Good luck in the contest. God bless you
Rose
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Don't think me slow but I have just read this and wanted to let you know how much I enjoyed it. In fact I loved it
David -
Funny. I like the historical setting, as well. What a goofy family. Nice job with continuing on in the spirit.
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Pretty cool. Kudos to you for picking up on the Northern reference and mentioning Blackpool
Very cool.
You impressed me there. The northern reference would be a subtlety unnoticed from anyone not in the uk I would guess. I was impressed.
Good recommendation from me.
rhiannon 11
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I think you've done a tremendous job here and have really made an effort to stay in keeping with the originals - and it's funny too! Best of luck, Del.
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Such a funny tale - I loved the details which set the scenes - and the dialect - brilliant!
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Bloody hell, you can tell you spent longer on yours than i did on mine!! That's really good...part about blocking up the cracks in the door is the best part!...Marriott Edgar would be proud of you!
You deserve the little gold cup picture for this one kyla! Good luck!
bec x -
Yippee Skippy, dang this is good. Especially the blocking of cracks and the rise of Willy from the dead.
So glad to have your twist here! -
A wonderful write, by far the best in this contest. Best of luck.
Krishna
Edited on Jan 27, 11:43 p.m. because ''. -
lol A wonderful tale filled with Ramsbottom humor, you managed to carry it on beautifully. Great job and best of luck in the contest.
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A historical scene well set and very funny, I loved the 'Ma 'ad stopped up the cracks in the doorway
In an effort to keep in the smell.'
I could well belive my grandmother doing this.
An enjoyable read.
Andrew -
Superbly in keeping with the original in spriit and rhyme – and from what I hear – very close to the reality, although my parents and grands were from the Deep South… Kent. My maternal granddad had ‘Albert & the Lion’ on 78’s – so we got to play it on the old wind up gramophone. Anyway; excellent piece Yuse – you handled the accent and the story really well – good luck!
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this is a gem Kyla - a delightful story,it's times like this I actually feel sorry for people who can't understad British dialect.
thanks you for your entry
~Von~ -
LOL! No, you're a Bohb not a Hank...
Thanks very much though,
Kyla -
Delightful!
LOL! This is gem! You've gone and done an excellent job rendering dialect ('as far as I can see - me just being a 'ank and all).
Ah...delightful. Thank you for sharing this. I'll be smiling the rest of the day.
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