I didn't think the waiting
Would bring white hair strangers
Or that pleading to passing creatures
Used to ignoring the forlorn gazes
For company, so desperate for company
Would have happened so quickly
That I would have become lonely so soon
When the pledge of love seems barely passed
The folds of the dress seem optimistic
Yet the gathered dust aches to hint hopelessness
And the bodies of sad thoughts lurk nearby taunting
Their own bitterness trapping their interest
While I've waited for you with my candle
Even the birds have forgotten.
http://freaky665.deviantart.com/art/between-love-and-hate-99690227, "between love and hate" by =freaky665
A contest entry
- Picture Prompt (20 pictures) by VampyreAnna.
300 points, ended October 21, 2008, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Free to Write by LoveNLyrics.
525 points, ended October 29, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Lotsa Options.. Come and see!!! by FightOffYourDemons.
550 points, ended December 8, 2008, 35 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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This is deeply sad.
It's aching and wanting. I adore it for the feeling that you have put into it.
Some places though have some flow issues. the words don;t run as smooth as they should.
Maybe some slight editing would help although maybe not... sorry I could not be more helpful -
great closing line
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Outstanding...
Such a exquisite poem full of depth, emotion, despair, and lost and forgotten love. Absolutely beautiful job. Please keep on writing... -
you know, i usually dont like/ dont get/ can't conceive of non rhymimg poems. THIS however was a first for me. fan FREAKING tastic. really, im shocked that i liked it. i skimmed it just to see if it rhymed but then i was SUCKED in. lol great job
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amazing!!!
"For company, so desperate for company"
"That I would have become lonely so soon"
r my two favorite lines.
well done.! -
It's seems really thoughtful. It seems like it really cam from the heart. good job.!
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This is stunning. The barest hint of sensuality mixed with such deep sadness. I love how you tied in everything that was in the picture in your poem without force. Awesome work, truly inspirational. I love the lines:
"That I would have become lonely so soon
When the pledge of love seems barely passed"
~Zeek <3
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While I've waited for you with my candle
Even the birds have forgotten.
Wow,
this is pretty powerful!
Great write,
this is very well written.
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I like the use of imagery; especially the white dress and the candle. Nice job "thumbup*
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interesting piece. thank you for your entry.
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Very well written! Great use of emotion, very sad, and powerful, your message is very deep, great job!=] my favorite parts are lines 8-to the end. personally i don't have any complaints, well done=]
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This was awesome.It made me think 'lost' when I read it.VERY GOOD!
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Nice strong imagery, i like it alot.
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Outstanding
This provides a perfect compliment to the picture. I liked your style which is very unique and the way you built layers of meaning into the poem. You developed the theme of waiting very well- opening the poem and then returning to this theme towards the end of the poem which strengthens it in the readers mind. The imagery is excellent and the last line inspirational. Best of luck in the contest.
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