changed me forever.

it all happened so fast
i never had time to realize
just what he would do to me.
how much he'd change me....

there he was sitting across
the room, i don't know how i
managed to notice him in a room
full of people,but i did.
he was the only one i saw.
so beautiful, his eyes lured me in

as he walked over to me,
i could feel my heart racing,
warning me maybe, but i took
it different i just assumed
it was merely excitement..

at first everything went great.
until i was always wrong....
first he it started with
just screaming and i could
live with that i mean i love him.

slowly he started getting more
and more aggressive....
first i was cooking for him
and it wasn't done right...
so he slapped me across the face.
tears welled in my eyes...but
he told me "don't you dare cry"
so i just stood there hand on
my face were it was warm and
had already began swelling
i was too shocked to even move..

latter that night i went home,
not one person asked me about
my red swollen cheeks,
with the hand print across it
but what does it matter that
they hadn't asked...would i
have told them anything anyways?

the next morning i saw he
came to my house to pick me
up for school, but i told him
that i'd walk...he told me just
get in the car it's just a ride

in my mind i had convinced myself
that i wouldn't go back to him.
he changed my mind in an instant
his baby blue eyes looked at me.
with what seemed to be a pained expression.
he looked as if he could break and cry.
he said he was sorry, he just had a bad day

i think he could tell i wasn't convinced
he started kissing my neck
i breathed in his smell,
that impossible to describe smell,
it was unlike anything else.

he whispered 'i love you'
so sweetly into my ear,
how could i stay mad at him?
i love him, and, he loves me right?
he says all the right things...

things started going right again
he was the same sweet guy
that i fell in love with.
or so i thought....

we were laying on his bed.
he was holding me soo close
and so tight in his arms,
it made me feel so safe to be with him.
my phone rang and it was my mom,
i knew i had to answer it, but
he wanted more then to just lay there..
i told him i needed to answer it
my mom would be mad if i didn't.

i could see the fury in his face
i knew that look too well,
eyes fixed on me just glaring
he told me i'd regret answering
the phone, but i did anyways....
he glared at me the entire time
i was on the phone..i knew
that he was right i would regret
answering the phone call, and soon
it would be proved to me...

as soon as i hung up the phone,
i felt my body trembling
as he walked towards me
he had his fist clenched so tightly
eyes fixed on me, i was wondering
how hard of a slap i'd get....

now i'm my whole body is shaking
as he says 'look at you who do you
think you are? do you really think
that you can do better then me? your
just an ugly little whore'
i tell him that i'm sorry
i tell him that i love him.
now he's shaking me screaming
in my face words i'll never forget.

he tells me to stop crying
i didn't even realize i was crying.
he pulls is arm back and punches me
right in the side then in the stomach
next, he throws me on his bed and says
'are you happy now look what you did,
you made me hit you, made me shake you,
i didn't want to, but you made me. baby,
i'm sorry let me make up for it'
i tell him i just want to go home,
but he has other things in mind.

he tells me he's going to do what
he wants.he says that he has had
to wait too long for used goods
i plead with him tell him i'm
not ready, it's my first time i cry
he says 'well if it's your first time
then i'm just taking what's rightfully mine'
finally i give up and say 'okay do what you want'
i thought he'd change his mind when
i said that through tears...
but he didn't he had set in his mind
what he wanted to do and he knew that
he was definitely going to get it.
so i layed there and let him do what
he had to....

when he finished he looks at me
with the biggest smile across his face
and says ' i guess it was your first time
thanks for letting me be the one to take it'

i get up and go too put my clothes back on
he says he wants me one more time.
by now i should have known better then
to tell him no to anything, but i
tell him i just want to go home now,
he doesn't care, he hits me a few times
then puts me on his bed and does what he wants.

finally he tells me to get in the shower
and then get ready to leave. he said he'd
bring me in some clothes and a towel.
this time i just did as he said
i went to the bathroom and turned
the water to as hot as i could bear
stepped in and started crying my eyes out
i felt as if i'd collapse but i knew if
i did he would come in and check on me.

he brought me in a pair of his sweatpants
and one of his long sleeve shirts..
i hadn't realized till then that my arms,
ribs, and face were already starting to bruise..
but i knew i couldn't tell anyone because
i loved him....and he loved me...

three years later every memory
of those two years with him
replays in my head over and over again.
he's changed me forever...
i used to be such a strong person,
i never let people walk all over me.
i had so many friends...because of him
that has all changed...i'll never be the same,
he's changed my views on love forever.