Liquor Laws on Election Day

Once every four years,
In the month of November,
The people cast ballots
To elect a new leader.

We want to be smart
About whomever we choose
So we’re not allowed
To get hopped up on booze.

So, you see,
They made a decree
That there would be liquor laws
On election day.

But it doesn’t matter
Because every good one elected
Is, by an assassin,
Carefully selected.

Lincoln and Kennedy
Were shot down dead
While Monica was giving
Bill Clinton head.

So, you know,
It just goes to show
That we don’t need liquor laws
On election day.

Richard Nixon
And Watergate—
They all did it
So Ford didn’t hate.

And even with no
Candidate in favor,
There’s always room
For Dole and Nader.

So, I fear,
There’s still plenty of beer
Even with liquor laws
On election day.

And with all of our voters,
There was still nothing we could do
To prevent the election
Of George W.

An inconvenient truth
Is that it was “fate”
That it all came down
To his brother’s state.

So, I thought,
How many drinks had they bought
Even with liquor laws
On election day?

We didn’t learn anything
From Korea or Nam
‘Cause we went to Iraq
Hunting Saddam.

And then came a liberal
With three Purple Hearts,
Surely we’d part
With this Republican fart.

But there is no lack
Of the amount of crack
Available with liquor laws
On election day.

So we reelect
The missing link;
What is the rest of the world
Going to think?

Now our economy
Is in recession,
Headed toward
Another Depression.

We no longer think,
But only drink
Regardless of liquor laws
On election day.

And just like the mess
That occurred in the thirties,
We need a democrat
To fix the economy.

What we really need
Is good ol’ Roosevelt
To come back to life
And help us the hell out.

And we allow the drinking
And punish the thinking
Even with liquor laws
On election day.

Now a liberal has come
With a “New Deal”
That might help the economy
Finally heal.

McCain and his goiter:
A prisoner of war,
Chose for V.P.
A novice of sorts.

Now here is a case
When you must purchase a case
Even with liquor laws
On election day.

Surely no one
Wants another Bush
But for McCain,
They vehemently push.

So I cast my ballot
And support Obama
‘Cause I know he has nothing
To do with Osama.

I tip the bottle
To my lips and say,
“Screw the liquor laws
On election day.”