I sit next to him, my mind closed off from the rest of the world
I think to my self, am I really all he has ever wanted
Then I feel his hand on mine, like he has read my mind
He already knows, he can see through my thoughts,
Like a window
The zephyr gently spills over my face
As he turns to me
All I can see is him, hazel eyes that speak the future
He smiles and leans toward me
His lips warm and wet against mine
He speaks in words so soft I can barely hear,
Lacy I love…
And then I woke up
A contest entry
- Canvas by magicpie325.
950 points, ended November 6, 2008, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What do u think?
Comments
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Wow
This was wonderful it beautiful and peacful too
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A bitter-sweet piece. The third stanza is your strongest. My only criticism regards how the poem doesn't feel as polished as it could be: you seem back and forth on how much punctuation to use, there's a random space between "gently" and "spills", and "my self" should be one word. Minor details, but they can distract your reader. Otherwise, a very nice piece---thank you for sharing this.
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mmmmm... i love hazel eyes! Well written!
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Zephyr and hazel eyes. How romantic and how disappointing it was all a dream.
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