hands warm
wrapped around aroma
and your touch
begun again
rerun again
untold unfolding of the
morning in my mind
it's time
and picked before
cliche could rear its
smelly foot
put upon and folded flat i sat
straight beyond eclectic stares
who cares
reborn
in samples to
the sway of my own taste
in triple time to prime
run in ripple
read
and spread in banquets
fashioned from fabrication of
my lips near yours
in breath
in time
you linger between my
memory and mocha.
In a list
A contest entry
- here comes the rain again by Dienush.
500 points, ended October 23, 2008, 12 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Win $50, and be published in the next Allpoetry Book! Relationships theme by Kevin.
400 points, ended March 5, 122 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Reader interpretation and critical comment welcomed
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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The opening and ending lines echo each other beautifully and carry the reader on so the poem continues to resound in the heart. This alone makes the poem rise above so many words about relationship and love.
The assonance and consonance are used effectively to move the feelings into swirls and eddies of memory. This is a lovely when they are used effectively to create greater focus, since to often, when over used, they deaden the senses by overwhelming with verbage.
I enjoyed the softness because at the same time there is a strength of will showing the writer is musing and drifting but not lost in the memory. All in all a delightful gift to this reader.
Love,
Tom B.
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i loved the play on sound - and, of course, the entire poem.
oh & even though the ending is the exact same as the title, i still thought the ending had a strong punch; so kudos for that.
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The imagery in this poem is fantastic. I love the layout of this poem, the line breaks. I think it heightens the flow of the poem, all in all i think this is a really great write.
Laura. -
Wonderful! I think the imagery in this is astounding. Thank you for sharing such a lovely poem! =D
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I really like this I love the line "You linger between my memory and mocha"
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when you write about life then there is no other option except to bring a sentimental truth through the words..wonderful piece is here..
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I was able to really feel you in this piece. The only problem I had was with these lines right here :
it's time
and picked before
cliche could rear its
smelly foot
It's like the spacing and then starting off the next sentence with and doesn't settle right with me.
Other then that no issues! Congrats on your silver.
Kari
. Rewarded 6
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