After A Starless Night

      I: Psychological acrobats in a  personal hell

Room 206- It is so dark,
and just a "little" too cold.

Hmm...
I guess the cure to ailments
is freezing.

Sleep; such an elusive possession
fleeted mercilessly
with my creaking composure.

But with one tiny needle, and a tube
feeding me false reassurance
my eyes were quickly too heavy;

and the shadows lurked,
as the white walls around me faded to black.

The colors of nightmare
frolicked in snide torture through the fogs of my mind.

Confused- I searched for her face,
longing to see her eyes
(their precious hazel) closed in peace.
I desperately wondered;  Is she safe?

Jolted; I reach for her tiny hand
to pull me from these coma terrors

Air... I only grasp air;
as hot tears roll over my cheeks
burning each fear stricken heartbeat
across my flesh...

and I scream!

My eyes snapping open
to the stillness of this plague
hovering around me.

Help!
Does anyone even hear my screams?
Frantic- I struggle for the call button;
they promised would warrant  help.

How long have I been here?
I try to read the clock on the wall,
but the hands seem to sway in and out.
The face of time snickers at its' emptiness;
and the tears sting a little more.

The last fiber of my sanity; breaking down;
I pray... why has no one answered my call?

Straining to see through the cracks of the drawn blinds;
I don't remember it ever being so dark.

Abruptly I'm shaken from the daze coating my mind,
as a nurse rushes in front of me.
Quickly, she yanks open the blinds
before checking the machines beside me.

Feeling myself recede back to oblivion
I sob... "someone has drugged me"
"I can not stay awake"
"something is wrong"
"why can I not stay awake"

cracking- I squirmed and grasped
for some form of understanding.

"It is six in the morning,
"you do not need to stay awake;
"just close your eyes and rest"

Then again they were gone.
Everyone was gone; and I...
I was alone.

   
                  II: The fight to reach Heaven


Searching the now visible sky;
I wondered which star lay over her crib.

Does it shine enough warmth on my angel
maybe just enough to make her feel safe?

She's only 5 days born; she needs me with her...
I need her!
Will I make it out of here to hold her once again?

I choke- realizing the voided sky.
Speaking of stars; where are they?

In a home not her own;
and there aren't even any stars
to guide her into sweet dreams.

I cry for the midnight;
how she must feel without her sacred star.

I feel you,  I whisper

before my mind gives way again
for induced sleep and force fed traumas.

The sharp edges of light break through curtains
and pain sears my body.
Oh my... I've never hurt so bad.

But I am awake;
at least I AM awake.

Hours chase me with mind numbing reality
as someone else's blood pumps within my veins.

Only hoping it works
to save my life.

A few cruel, unusual, but necessary exams,
oxygen machines, and a blood count later

and 10:30 am dawns
the most beautiful time of day
God has answered my prayers
as she is placed back into my arms.

Her daddy's big gem like eyes gazing up into mine
and her tiny hand curling safely around my fingers.

And in the innocence of that precious smile
she carried all of last night's missing stars.

Nevaeh...
Nevaeh is the burst of light
after a starless night......