perhaps it was he
all this time
who was wrong
perhaps adventurous eve felt
constrained
by the ignorance
imposed upon her
and sought
enlightenment
there meditating in the shadow of
mystery
on self and consciousness
and maybe it was no
fault of hers that
monsters
were let to lurk by the broad brown
base
of understanding
who in her wide-eyed innocence
accepted
the poisoned doctrine of truth
who being told it was
good
never having been told of lies
bit deep and tasted
the bittersweet pangs
of revelation
In a list
Thoughts, Feelings, Interpretations, Experience:
Comments
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ahhh... the first sin in history
nice description!!! i would have never thought about writing about bible events. it seems hard but u make it look easy
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They're both easy to write about and not easy. Easy in that they're common enough that most people understand, or at least sense, the allusions. Not easy in that biblical passages are convoluted, open to interpretation, and not often agreed upon. So references made in poetry tend to draw this confusion along into the poem.
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Love the lay out of this great message too
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It ain't necessarily so
I guess...
"Some things you are liable
to read in the Bible,
they ain't, necessarily so!"
(from Porgy and Bess) -
Excellent
I really enjoyed each specific word you chose, each sentence you constructed. Truthfully, this crossed my mind when in my teens, having had the Bible pushed down my throat at that time.
Each time I read one of your works, I learn something new, feel the desire to better my own writing, and am usually amused in some form or other, in a good way.
Very well done!
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It's a nice feeling to know that my writing can still inspire others to strive at and improve upon their own processes.
Thank you, sir!
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You Rascal!
First book Genesis
Last book Revelation
Genesis is pretty much folk-lorish, being it takes place when no one could take down notes and make records.
But ask anyone who has placed a flower or a letter between the leaves of a familiar book, that upon opening to that page and flower or letter. that they could not help but feel that something was not the same, you know, like Superman said, "Place a lump of coal under the right pressure for a thousand years and you get a diamond."
For me, the most salient thing to happen back then was when all was said and done, G-d did NOT punish them. They were his kids. And he went outside the garden with them, and dressed them, and taught them how to live in the world of their choosing.
I guess when your fate as a book is to head up a greater
book, consisting of the books of Moses, Prophets, and even all the way to Revelations, something is likely to rub off on you. Or was Superman wrong?
Great Poem Erin!
John-Las Vegas
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ah you caught my connecting the first and last books together. ah yes genesis is pretty folklorish alright. it's impossible to keep it straight after adam and eve have their first child. it's puzzling. by the time cain is having multitudes of grandchildren, eve is having her third son. meanwhile cain and his children are coming across wives all over the place and begetting like mad. and where did these wives come from if eve has only had three children thus far, all of them boys?
terribly confusing.
glad you enjoyed the write, John.
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One or the other
there's dual in the mix
Each but a choosing
of which be your fix
Laughter in sadness
and loving through pain
Perspectives bring nothing
unless there's a gain
Eddy
In my eyes true perfection can not exist, for that which is
perfect, never changes, so hence we must be a combination
of all those twos...
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i guess i think of perfection as a momentary thing. something perfect is only perfect for the moment, and after that it's back to being ordinary.
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very thought-provoking...though i have always believed it as it is laid out in the Bible...it is interesting to be able to see it from eve's point of view...makes you wonder why she went against what God had told her...is the truth really so consuming?
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it's possible that eve never went against what god told her. he just said don't eat it or you'd die. maybe she was tired of living.
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Lovely poem. Amazing write, though it makes it a little difficult to read because of the style the poem is written. Interesting background you choose as well. This poem is amazing.
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Sometimes making a poem a little difficult to read adds to making the poem a little easier to absorb. The line breaks and organization are intended to lend a certain emphasis to particular words and ideas.
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Good Job
All things being in lowercase lends to the mystery behind the "he" you are talking about. Some of the logic seems flawed to me...but that's neither here nor there, everyone is entitled to their own. Probably the only thing I would consider revising would be the line spacing, only to shorten the scroll down effect...written on paper it would be fine I think. Again, good job!
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Ah yes, 'mornings' posed a similar question, which I responded to below. You may or may not find that of interest, especially since my thoughts on the matter are unabashedly heretical.
I wanted the poem to be scrolled, despite it's size, because this way the unconscious read-ahead wouldn't spoil the close of the poem before the conscious mind encountered its final words.
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A job well done
as far as heretics go, the list would include most of the pioneers of thought and discovery in the history of the world. Heresy is defined by religious groups, but decided by God only in the end. To not think is a defamation of Gods design in man, to defy commonly accepted thought that makes no sense to the thinker is to be true to one's self...I don't think that can be classified as sinful, unless the intention is to create a lie from the logic. eh...too much thinking for now....and it's all your fault
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This is so cool the way you wrote this piece!! I love it!! you did a terrific job!!
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Glad you enjoyed.
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AMAZING. Love it a million times over. The form is great, and the flow is flawless. Wording and vocabulary - excellent. Imagery and descriptions top-notch. Title, ending, beginning, body, story... I can't even name it. This is BEAUTIFUL! It's not all Eve's fault! lolz. Great job.
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Glad you liked! Thank you.
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was it the disobedience or the fear that created the separation, either way naive to deception played a role.
beautifully done my friend
belongs in the spotlight
God bless you...
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Maybe there was never a point of separation. Maybe eating the fruit only caused Adam and Eve to become aware of a separation that already existed. Whose deception was it? The serpent's or God's?
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Partial truth is worse than none at all in my book.
I see this poem as an attempt to rectify the imbalance of guilt between the first woman and the first man. In my mind there is no imbalance. Adam was an accessory to the crime and therefor equally culpable since he stood around and watched Eve eat the apple, which he then ate of himself.
As for this part:
"and maybe it was no
fault of hers that..."
It says here in Gen. 3:2 And the woman said to the serpent, “We may eat the fruit of the trees of the garden; 3 but of the fruit of the tree which is in the midst of the garden, God has said, ‘You shall not eat it, nor shall you touch it, lest you die.’”
they both knew very well what they were doing.
Just my two.
Paul -
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Not an attempt to rectify guilt so much as to neutralize blame.
Yes, don't touch it, lest you die. Well, now there's an interesting thing. If she knew she would die, then this gives you some clue how miserable she must have been there in the Garden of Eden. Miserable enough that she would seek an escape through sure and certain death. And even Adam ate after she did. He must have been miserable too.
Kind of gives you a hint how miserable heaven could be after a few billion years of monotony. -
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OK I see your point if you subtract the fourth player, the serpent. By the way, did you notice that God didn't say "don't touch it" Eve added that part to the instructions. God just said
Gen. 2:17
"...but from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat from it you will surely die."
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outstanding insight - never having been told of lies. I keep dancing in this tale of humankind's "fall from grace" and questioning, seeking and attempting to come to some formidable conclusion, only to understand that conclusion moves and never sits still. I continually marvel at this passage in Genesis 3, before Adam & Eve's dismissal from the garden:
22 And the LORD God said, "The man has now become like one of us, knowing good and evil. He must not be allowed to reach out his hand and take also from the tree of life and eat, and live forever." 23 So the LORD God banished him from the Garden of Eden to work the ground from which he had been taken. 24 After he drove the man out, he placed on the east side of the Garden of Eden cherubim and a flaming sword flashing back and forth to guard the way to the tree of life.
Revelation indeed...
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Maybe "Garden of Eden" was the name of the colony ship that came to Earth, and the flaming sword is the defense system that's keeping us out in order to make sure we succeed in the task of recolonization rather than just mooching off the ship's resources.
And if the ship's name was "Garden of Eden", then Eden must have been the name of the world we came here from.
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a strong and eloquent right, with a brilliant ending. "the bittersweet pangs/of revelation." i think the only way it could be improved would be to organize it more conventionally. with such a classical work of poetry, having the lines jump around was distracting. other than that, just about perfect.
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The organization of the lines is just me being experimental. Actually I kind of like the way it turned out. Glad you enjoyed the poem.
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Very thought provoking. Hmmm, who must "he" be? Is it "He"?
This might sound like a glorification of her to some people, particularly those who have accepted the story of Adam and Eve as it was told, and as such have accepted the doctrine that made Eve the icon of the fall of man. You made me think about this deeply nevertheless.
I also see in the poem though many real life circumstances where the search for truth and enlightenment, however noble the motive, is criminalized by a rotten system.
The layout is not something that I'm used to seeing from your works, but I think the experiment paid well. It somehow allows the author dictate the flow of the poem to the reader.
I loved this one. I was just thinking though if the word "adventurous" is misplaced in this one. I loved it still.
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I wanted "he" to be vague because I had three of them in mind at the time:
1) Adam himself. Wrong about his mindless obedience. In that he could gain nothing until he lost everything. But maybe the first humans, as the biblical god created them, weren't even humans at all. Maybe humans evolved from Eve and Adam's--the first proto-humans--decision to learn something about the world around them. Just thoughts. We aren't told how long they paced back and forth in this Garden of Eden. A year? Ten years? Ten thousand years? Ten million years? How long could two curious beings last before trying out that one fruit they were told not to mess with? Maybe Eve assumed it was poison and sought to end her eternal monotony by eating it.
2) The Catholic Patriarch. Wrong about interpreting Eve's decision as the "fall of man" and the "first sin" in such as way as to seed a male-domineering animosity toward women throughout Catholic faith and history. If I'm not mistaken, humanity wouldn't ever even have existed if not for the proto-humans being driven from Eden. So members of the mostly women-faulting Patriarch owe their very existence and arrogance to that one fault they base all their resentment and bitterness on.
3) The biblical God. Wrong to create creative inquisitive beings and then set them in a place where the most interesting thing there is the one thing they're forbidden to mess with, or else. That's basically a set-up. Wrong also to let demons mosey about in the garden who have a penchant for luring children into death-traps for their own amusement.
I like your alternate interpretation. I love it when I can look at my own poem through new eyes. Thank you.
Yes layouts are something I'm playing with. I was curious to see what people would say about it. It's basically double-spaced tercets that follow a fixed scheme of indentation.
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Deep one. I like it.
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Glad to hear it.
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