Find me... I'm lost
in empty caverns of a confused soul
Unsure, anymore, of who I am.
How could I have made so many mistakes
I know I can never take back;
So I wander- desperate, down a tattered path;
that twists over my heart.
It misses every beat, and crawls on,
to a lost cause;
"Where There is a growing darkness
and a raging storm
Spreading... consuming
and the thunder rolls."
The lightening; an echo of turmoil,
seething beneath the trudge of tears;
leaking my spirit, in the absence of color.
the thought of turning left is perilous
reflecting the sharpened edges of insanity;
where memory is as poison Ivy,
spreading like a plague.
Soon I will be nothing more than a burial plot.
The 2 way sign reads-
yaw gnorw!
But in this secret Hell
nothing is as it seems; And there is no right.
In the aftermaths of a battle; lost to my own...
I collapse
in the puddles of my broken pieces.
Accepting the deluge of war
with no end in sight......
Author notes
User name: Whispered Devotions
First name: Amy
Age: 21
General Poetic Style: Ummm I would say that my style is more emotional... Usually not very abstract but sometimes it is, I enjoy using metaphors and I feel that I do indeed use a lot of metaphors and similes. Really I write personal poetry and so my mood and life reflects greatly to my work; therefore my style changes, as I feel anyone's can.
Why am I interested in this contest: Honestly I am just always interested in these contests. There is no better rush of inspiration to keep one writing and growing then that of multi- round contests; and who better to inspire than the king of multi-round competitions.
I used all the prompts for inspiration.
"There is a growing darkness
And a raging storm
Spreading… consuming
And the thunder rolls"
-POISONDAGGERS
WORD BANK:
turmoil
war
right
wrong
twists
Poem:
http://allpoetry.com/poem/3833545
Pic:
http://duo120280.deviantart.com/art/soul-journey-70701693
Title:
Through My Soul
A contest entry
- FALLING APART by Temptation..
525 points, ended November 17, 2008, 13 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - AP X Factor: Round One [Auditions] by sideways hourglass.
650 points, ended January 1, 31 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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Congratulations! You are one of the 16 finalist to make it to the mainstream of the competition. To confirm your interest in competing, please apply to the group ASAP. Just include an emoticon or whatever you want in the application.
http://allpoetry.com/group/info/The%20X%20Factor?stay=1 -
79
originality: 7/10
creativity/poetic devices: 7/10
mechanics: 9/10
balance of images/ideas: 8/10
personality/emotion: 7/10
line breaking/structure: 6/10
personal opinion: 7/10
title: 5/5
rules followed: 5/5
focus: 5/5
cohesion: 5/5
diction: 4/5
syntax: 4/5
[extra credit] X Factor: 0/5
TOTAL: 79
Laura
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81
originality: 8
creativity/poetic devices: 7
mechanics: 9
balance of images/ideas: 8
personality/emotion: 8
line breaking/structure: 7
personal opinion: 8
title: 4
rules followed: 5
focus: 5
cohesion: 4
diction: 4
syntax: 4
[extra credit] X Factor: 0
TOTAL POSSIBLE: 100
There were a couple cliche bits in here, but the poem wasn't so overloaded with them. In some parts I loved your spacing, for example, the first line. Nice idea. I think the overall flow of the poem would be better if you didn't put line breaks in that much, but I like the way you worded things.
Just some of my random thoughts. I truly liked this, and I really look forward to your future writing in this contest.
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81
haha oh man...i just got the "yaw gnorw" -- i thought it was just a random burst of german, but i just realized it was "wrong way."
anyway...
originality: 8/10
creativity/poetic devices: 7/10
mechanics: 8/10
balance of images/ideas: 8/10
personality/emotion: 8/10
line breaking/structure: 8/10
personal opinion: 8/10
title: 5/5
rules followed: 5/5
focus: 4/5
cohesion: 3/5
diction: 4/5
syntax: 4/5
[extra credit] X Factor: 0/5
TOTAL: 81
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"the thought of turning left is perilous
reflecting the sharpened edges of insanity;
where memory is as poison Ivy,
spreading like a plague.
Soon I will be nothing more than a burial plot."
I really like the use of "p" words, it gave some emphasis on key ideas in this part. On top of that, I just like the overall idea.
You have some great ideas, strong images, and on top of that, your poem pours with passion.
I think your poetry would be better if some extraneous stuff was taken out, and made more tighter.
What you have here is quite nice though.
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Thank you for your nice comment. You know, I actually agree with you on this one. I am honestly still working myself on how to tighten this up. usually I personally don't like to shorten my work unless it was already written short; but with this piece, as I read it, I feel that I could without taking away from the point. I just haven't figured out what to take out or re word or what not yet.
The part you pointed out was one of my personal favorite parts of this poem. I wish I could say that the use of Ps were on purpose meant exactly to give emphasis, but... as anyone who knows me would know I simply write... the choice of words in my poetry are always just the words my heart feels or the first words that come to mind when I think of a moment in time. I did not realize the impace of the words on a reader until I went back to read and edit or whatever. I am very happy to know that they really did stick with someone else though.
Thank you again for the critique.
Amy -
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I know what you mean, and for some writers, "just writing" is the way to go; but then there are some, like me, who write each and every single word precisely and carefully [but sometimes I do "just write" but i tighten it up afterwards]. Every writer is different.
Most published authors are the kind who think about each and every word they write; there isn't fluff. It's tight, it's to the point, and the message is conveyed exactly how they want it.
Because you are in a multi-round contest, it would be strategically smart to approach a poem or any piece of writing by writing with precision.
If you're afraid you're going to lose your ideas, then just write -- but be sure to go back an edit aftwards.
Hopefully there is a way in which you can write with precision while staying true to your train of thought, which seems to be a key factor in your style -- that's what makes it yours, and unique.
This contest won't just be a contest either. I plan on adding some extra things in there to help you guys get better at poetic devices.
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I have edited it some, if you care to see if it worked.
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oh yes of course, don't get me wrong, I always always go back and re read and edit everything I write. I start out with a piece of paper and a bunch of scribbles and sometimes outright chicken scratch of ideas and lol who knows what else, and then I take that and type it, and then I re arrange everything, take a lot of stuff that really doesn't stick with me out, and yes even re word my lines to make sure they have some sort of impact. Then there are the times when I do not re word anything at all and I just type it and re organize it. In the end though my process of writing a poem is long and very thought out. I say that I just simply write... and I do... but I mean really I am not great enough to just spill out every amazing word that it takes to make a great poem. Many times yes, many other times of course not; like anyone else I will have to go back and choose a different word or phrasing technique to make it powerful. Sometimes I have even resorted to using a dictionary to find a synonym that is better than the original word I used(I hate doing that, it makes me feel dense) We'll just say that in general I just simply write what I feel but... I care too much about my work and effort to have that emotion lost to a reader because of lack of thought and editing.
I have already had my work published. Certainly not a whole book of it but more than a few individual poems.
I look forward to everything that this contest will hold, whatever it may be. I am just glad to see you back hosting. I mean really you started the very first multi round contest at like what 13 or something. Didn't you?
Amy
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Very nicely done combining all the prompts and garnering a bronze trophy for this one. An excellent audition piece. Best of luck... Scott
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Thank you for your nice comment. I am really looking forward to another contest like this... I went into labor in the middle of the last one and was unable to compete any longer so hopefully I make this one.
Amy
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wow. thats all i can really say! this is amazing! i absolutely love this. you did a great job with all the prompts. i didnt even realize you used the quote, my own words, in it until after i finished it. its crazy seeing someone take my words and use them differently!! but this is just great! thank you so much for entering and good luck!!
ps. will you please put quotations around the quote. they don't interrupt the flow of the poem at all. i would really appreciate it. -
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Thank you so much for you beautiful comment. I wanted to use the prompts without "Taking" them, I am honored that you found it effective.
Yes I will gladly put quotes around your lines. I know this is your contest and all but not all contest hosts take such time on all the entries, so thank you again for reading and commenting on my work.
Amy -
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your welcome =] i wish everyone took as much time...
and thank you =] i really do appreciate it.
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Poem:
http://allpoetry.com/poem/3833545
Pic:
http://duo120280.deviantart.com/art/soul-journey-70701693
Title:
Through My Soul
Quote:
"There is a growing darkness
And a raging storm
Spreading… consuming
And the thunder rolls"
- POISONDAGGERS
WordBank:
turmoil
war
right
wrong
twists
good luck!!!
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