Life thrummingly beats along
in prose and song
While whispers echoing from the past
evoke memories that clammer strong
I look up at the thundrous skies
darkened with threatening clouds
that pass on by
A rainbow's hue follows across
widening and reaching within
Bringing me back to my senses
from soulful reverie
and I know that I can in stillness
Just Be
Author notes
My first piece in a very long time. Let me know truth in what you see, but try not to be too critical.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
-
Classical. It's a good, solid piece. I'm new to writing so, anyhoo..
I think the images could be stronger, particularly the third stanza. Though it's close to being bang on for the style and theme, it has a calm serenity to it and is a very enjoyable read. Personally, I'm not into the last two lines- though I'm not sure why I'm saying that because I really do think that's just me lol. And poetry is beauty, not a gaging of shock deliverence or crazed innovation. . so I respect it's fearless simplicity and Wordworth-like moments.
"soulful reverie"
~ still gotta love that.
Yeah, start writing
-
I like this a lot, and it's even more impressive if you've had to brush the cobwebs off the old pen and paper. I love how you set it up to lead to the last couple of lines, and I think you did a great job of it.
"I look up at the thundrous skies
darkened with threatening clouds
that pass on by"
This stanza really captured the stillness perfectly to me.
-
Beautifully done. I think it is great especially for your first write back. Keep up the good work. Good luck to you in all things!
-
That was good. Maybe a 7 or an 8 out of 10. I think you Should start writing again; you'll get better as you do, and if you're writing this well NOW...
-
'just be', i love that line, very good poem overall
-
is this a prose
It doesnt seem to flow easily, but there is beauty in your words. If only I could find a stillness within me
anyways good write, thanks for shareing
Adding your comment:
1 - 6 of 6
