I have a happy warm faith in you sir,
but not so much in them.
They chase me around town
Saying "Looky, looky, looky at Britney
Spears... Watch the slow movements
of her supple breasts... You are
getting sleepy..." Then, I wake up,
and I have drank all the Pepsi,
and my mom is calling me a sinner
because, I have my pinner all moist
in my furious pumping hairy hand.
And then my hide is tanned, and
I weep, but I have faith in you
sir, warm happy faithful feelings
welling up inside of me, and
when you get done doing
whatever in the fuck it is that
you've been doing up there
on cloud 9 for the last two
thousand years. I DEMAND
THAT YOU GET YOUR ASS,
down here Lord! And show me
why! Why? Though I have a loving
Ma and Pa, and a stupid freckled
twat for a sister, and a tendency to
pee in the coleslaw, and a five
pound green fever blister.
I have happy warm faith lord that
though I scrub and lather
joyously in the shower
somewhere between Britney Spear's
slightly scarred left boob,
and Harvey Weinstein's unkosher
right nut, I have found some
kind of heaven Lord.
Due to the happy warm faith
I have for you. What else oh
Lord, what else can
the faithful do?
Author notes
Written January 27th, 2004
In a list
A contest entry
- Marys Contest by Praise his name.
300 points, ended October 27, 2005, 14 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 32 of 32
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picasso would be proud
point is ever see an advertisement you hated? i mean really hated... like Whipple and charmans... don't squeeze the charmans... yea that annoying thing... they sold more crap with an annoying add than ever before... okay onto the point i delayed yes we hate britney and justin as seen at the free concert in toronto with i think ACDC and a few others... for free and the bottles of piss flew at justin and everyone freaked at britneys boobs because they got larger and pams were smaller or how that mean girls actress turned skank so fast because sex sells and so does masturbations as seen on the cell phone commercial when the lady ordered a phone and the husbands signing for it and the box starts vibrating and the delivery girl smirks... and he's like hoooney!!
anyways yes this poem is the pinacle of penial advertising as seen on many e-mails from whom the pastor denis and the world watches...
yadda yadda enjoyed reading the comments they roxored and yea the poem was of course great -
strangly i was intrigued by everyone calling this whore a cheat but then just suddenly i was laughing at all these well thought and meaningful comments anyways i really thought that maybe this would be something meaningful to waste my time on and then oh just then it came to mind yes that's right the faithful loathing of idols set out by those we know to be advertisers... in this world advertising is the way we have lived... oooh since somewhere around the 1870's i think it was when some poor twerp in his department store said lets make paper and sell it with ink on it...
they took art and made it literal and we all looked at it and had to read it didn't matter if we liked it but we had to read it....
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Yes, great! Sounds good, thanks. This
poem once won a bronze in some contest
by some total idiot that thought it
was really a POEM, amazing aye? -
That was a good poem but I am sorry to inform you that you have been disqualified because you have entered another contest before this one and have gotten a trophy. Even though I could not see it on your trophy thing because you have entered this I have herd from numerous people that you have entered a contest and gotten a trophy. Remember nice poem but you are disqualified for breaking the rules..Actually you have broken them twice because you did not comment on one of mine nor nightangel's poems.
Blackened -
excellent. yes. jets website is cool. check it out if you can. some good ideas. retro feeling - black and white photos - plus a cool pop up of a screen with a great quote about how they are the next big thing. i see our "jim morrison had he lived.." being used somewhat similarly. i love the smileys here. such a warm happy place.
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Yes, good call, I thought as well too, but that's the dufference in playing live acoustic and recording an upbeat electric version, that's why we need two versions in the studio, A sped up rocking electric like Stevie ray and a slowed down acoustic like kurt cobain unplugged
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needed a dose of vitamin Vulgar as well this morning....cheerio, deerio. lunch is completio by the way.
also, so strange..do me a favor..try a version with a bit more of a hooker guitar standing on the intro corner....make me hot to listen from the first strum....a bit faster maybe? -
Oh shit, I was laughing so hard I almost pissed in the coleslaw. Or my pants. Hey, who put coleslaw in my pants? I love the happy warmth in this poem...
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hello my funny leetle hobbit man who placed third in zis straange contest. ok hm...one thing...now please understand my confusion (lol): i completely agree that most Christians are hypocrites and self-righteous and give Christ a baaad naamme... but what PRECISELY did u mean when u say this poem refers to those hypocrites? which part of it? hmmm well even tho it was gross there was somesing i liked in the fact that u used masturbation because yeah it is something that like EVERYONE does and they'll never admit it or maybe they have gotten over it but i mean come on...and yeah the evil smiley face background was a nice touch. i felt a little sick reading this thing cuz it was so ireverrent to God and junk...it said a lot of stuff i don't agree w/...but then again i guess the purpose of this thing was for sarcasm i just um...yeah. bye now
Edited on Jan 30, 9:17 p.m. because 'ummm cuz i'm wierd like that'. -
Supple? Is that the word you really want to use? Compliant and bendable? Hell no.
Let's try "pneumatic" or "splendiferous" or "awe-inspiring Alps of Milky goodness" or, hell I don't know. I gotta think on this. -
Oh, it's you, don't look at me... I was having a moment. What? I changed "subtle" to supple?
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Dude! You won a trophy. Awwwww....your talent knows no simple bounds.
Congratulations. Now....about Britney.... -
Yay!!!!! God bless Evil. Look I'm Evil you stupid blind hypocrite Christians!!!! Look at me I got one over on you, send me to hell you illiterate pompous twits!!!! If your bibles could, talk they'd still lie.
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Edited on Jan 29 because ''. -
winner
just wanted to congrat you for your win.keep the faith and the answers you seek,you will find. -
Yah. Okay. I'm back and I just want you to know I'm in a different place than I was a few days ago when I first commented on your finely tuned piece'o'literature (did you really write it on the back of an In&Out burger wrapper?) and I've decided its time I become a bit more spiritual and cease this strange fixation on Britney's breasts which, after calculating the statistical odds and carrying the 1, then dividing by the age difference, I realize I'll probably never get to see close up in real life and in person so to speak (if you know what I mean and I think you do).
So.
I had decided to possibly start a church based on your throw-away line regarding Harvey Weinstein's left nut figuring that this might be big in California where there are PLENTY of nuts ripe for salvation and fleecing, but I realized all too soon that the Thin Blue Line running across the Sacred Weinsteinian Scrotum might be an indication of something more to come and that I might be poking my nose into places where I didn't want it to be. So much for spiritualism in Hollywood.
I am now disillusioned and am homeless. Could you adopt me and let me sleep in your pool cabana? I don't really eat much and all I need is a high speed internet connection and the occasional fine Cuban cigar.
Thank you for your consideration. My agent will be in touch with yours. I am touched by your deep feelings and obvious talent you display with your fine words. Perhaps, if you feel you need the solitude and cannot adopt me, you might just sign my forehead with your moniker and a tasteful "666".
And I don't even get any points for this - it's all an offering for salvation...such is the strength of my faith. -
You are one of the strangest poets I have ever met on this site. That is a good thing though because I'm strange too (shhh...don't tell but everyone else is, even though they won't admit it) anyways, this poem made absolutely no sense but its the clearest thing in my mind if that makes any sense.
Elizabeth
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if this doesn't win, i might kill myself.
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*laughz* it reminds me of an email i got
Note on fridge from mom: There was cum in the plughole of the shower, Whoever is wanking in the shower stop it NOW!! It's fucking DISGUSTING, do it in your own damn rooms!
it just reminded me of that...for some unspeakable reason...
as for britany spears?...shes had as many boob jobs as ive had accidents..and that's saying ALOT, since im one of THE clumziest people i know..
Nyx... -
Mesmirized in dreamland and then comes the rude awakening and the knowledge that, hey.... I didn't go blind after all... thank you, Lord, glad my faith in you is strong. It was all worth it in spite of the tanned hide and Mom's scorn.
Thank ya Lord, you came through again. My faith is renewed....
I'm sighing and I'm laughing, Jerimi...... I may never eat coleslaw again but I'm laughing
Oh, did I say how much I like this poem??!!
Dee -
Why then, I guess we're even on that score.
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I like you. You make me smile.
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Inspiring!
Yah, this makes me feel all happy and warm and full of faith - although perhaps not the kind of faith that will cool me in Hell and warm me in winter, but rather a faith in the sarcastic wit that so imbues your mind and inflames the rebellion of the mindless mannikens lining the shop windows.
I have a small problem with your poetic metaphor and hesitate to bring it up, but truth cannot be denied and wisdom must be challenged if we are to crawl from the mud and stand upright -- the problem, in other words, words to be exacting and precise, indignant and to the point -- the problem is that Britney's breast are NOT subtle and that line destroys the whole meaning of this write. I cannot concentrate on the remainder of your gentle litany to God whilst my mind resides back at the beginning wondering why you would ever, ever use the term "subtle". She thrusts those twin cannons of iniquity into every television in America and enflames our youth with hormone overloads and yet, you simply ignore the obvious and meander down the simple road of faith in a casual and deliberate manner. I am appalled and shaken. I am a broken man.
But, you know, yah, otherwise this is lovely. I wept in places and gnashed my teeth in others, I raged and I laughed. I am reminded of Gilligan's Island and feel it is an apt assessment of the situation.
Thank you for sharing and caring enough to share. I feel warmer already. And that is the STRENGTH in this piece, eh? -
wack
wack wack wack... that all I have to say about that.
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What trick, seriously?
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oh come on now
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unless it was that the faith, though there, should have some sort of purpose. Apart from just being.
This is the point I made this out to have. Not blind. Just blindfolded.
Peace
Chris -
You missed the point? What, are you blind? Pick one for Christ sake.
Capatilism, Christianity, celebrityism, Your Television makes you an asshat don't let it please for the sake of the people that have to work with you in the future, at least. It says Wake up! It says a lot. It means a lot. Or yet again, I wrote it left handed in about ten seconds so it could just be saying, "Hey maybe you're hungy, go eat", because I haven't had breakfast yet. -
I really like this. I think the flow in the first half is really strong, and I love your use of imagery. Britney, Pepsi, etc. ahem. nicely done, keep in writing - i look forward to reading more of your stuff. especially if it involves pop-endorsing popstars
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I liked the rhymes inbred within each line, though it seems to be breeding more sarcasm than anything else. It's a rough place to be between Britney's breasts. Ugh. I'm kinda fumbling on what to say, but what I mean, is that I enjoyed the flow, but missed the point, unless it was that the faith, though there, should have some sort of purpose. Apart from just being. Broad shouldered trip.
Peace
Chris -
and god has lots of faith in you but you have to scrub harder theres a layer of gold underneath and when you find that then you wil be rich and famous at long last.there is a queue you know for fame and fortune and you are most definitely in line for it....love your wit and flair
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I just want to thank Jesus, and the Mafia, and Hilary Clinton.
Thank you for this award. (My pre-post acceptance speech)
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