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That Night

What once was is beyond saving now
A forgotten dream
Drifting and fading slowly
At the hands of time’s soft breeze

For once upon a time….

He was a foolish boy
And she an innocent girl
And one night, hand in hand fleeing from life’s jaws
And the gazes of this world
They locked themselves within a room
With reality knocking
Dreading
Expecting it soon

Happiness was their sanctuary
And was what lay behind that door
and though she did love the boy
the boy did love her more

And there they laid
With touching hands and touching lips
Care free of right or wrong
No taste of guilt upon their kiss

For the night was made for loving
To shelter that of which is shunned
The night was made for loving
And day, day should never come


Eventually reality broke those walls
And carried her away
she never looked back
But then again I never begged her to stay

And now you are a fading stranger
A stranger I once knew
That night was your funeral
That night I buried you

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 7 of 7

  • Shannon62875
    March 31

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    WOW!! This is a very good write.. I Loved it!!!! It Was Amazing.. The End had a VERY good twist to it that kept me wanting more.. keep up the great work and good luck in my contest

    Shannon*Leah


  • ModernDionysis
    February 23

    Edit | Reply
    Great. The image of everyday reality haunting and waiting to break into a haven of love is very true and powerful. Well done


  • City-of-Angels
    November 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Damn. I LOVED the ending. I love how the beginning of the poem sort of contradicts the end. That's very poetic, it sends the reader a message. I'll say that your imagery was AMAZING in the beginning but started to sort of fade as the poem went on (until the last few lines) Maybe that's something you could work on?
    Overall very nice write. Sorry for just now getting along to reading this. My excuse is a mixture between being busy and procrastinating
    Thanks for entering


  • babydollxgonexwrong
    October 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    The end presented a stark contrast to the rest of the poem, which is neither good nor bad, merely a style element. I liked the theme and the unique way in which you presented, however, I did find some thing confusing, for example the shift in third person to first person and some lines were off the flow a little bit.

    Overall, however, the poem was enjoyable, and I enjoyed a more unique take upon the concept of forbidden romance.

    Thx for entering my contest. :]


  • ms-cuddles
    October 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Loved the story. Brings back stories of my past. Sometimes you just have to know when to walk. Thanks for entering and good luck. Hugs~ Cuddles


  • fake-or-real-smile
    October 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow I know exactly how this feels......the type of love that would be perfect when the rest of the world doesn't exist ay.

    I love this stanza:

    "He was a foolish boy
    And she an innocent girl
    And one night, hand in hand fleeing from life’s jaws
    And the gazes of this world
    They locked themselves within a room
    With reality knocking
    Dreading
    Expecting it soon"

    Aren't all boys foolish.

    I really enjoyed reading this, the sadness that it made me feel is unbelievable. And even a friend of my commented on what a strong poem this is

    Really well done, good luck and thanks for entering.

    Rebecca

    X

  • limechic
    October 16, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful!! This is so good There are very few poems in my contest that have really grasped the conflict I wanted...but you've done it!
    Such a heartwrenching story

    You never looked back
    But then again I never begged you to stay

    Sigh.

    Love it! Great work, good luck!

1 - 7 of 7