It's like a memory
A memory gone from rhyme to ruin in a breath
A memory scribbled in my brain
like tenth-grade notes in a composition notebook.
Ever since that day
the day the shots rang and the bodies fell
the day I knew my existence was finite
that my candle would one day run out of wax.
First it was a rifle
A rifle that ran out and was replaced by a revolver
A rifle that ran out and was turned to evidence
for a court that would never truly understand.
It was just a day at school
a day at school that for some never ended
a day at school that for some ended too soon
leaving memories that for some never will.
Author notes
Used the picture prompt and was immediately taken back to school, which meant thinking of Cleveland Elementary. It shook Stockton, and it still shakes me.
A contest entry
- FALLING APART by Temptation..
525 points, ended November 17, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
I want to expand, any ideas?
Comments
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Title brings the mind along one thought path, then abruptly substitues a dark one, making the change more disturbing. Very effective.
First stanza, very strong "rhyme to ruin in a breath" and great similie "scribbled...like...notes in a composition notebook."
Final stanza is superb. Great intensity with juxtaposition of "for some never ended" and "for some ended too soon" and "for some never will" [either end, or end too soon].
A tragedy for all involved. Intense write, still rings with the unreality of such a thing happening in a quiet school.
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wow. not what i expected for the prompt, thats for sure. but this is so deep. the emotion is... wow. thats the only word i can think of. the piece makes me think. great write. good luck and thank you so much for entering.
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Poem:
http://allpoetry.com/poem/2806904
Pic:
http://break-my-heart.deviantart.com/art/Fade-76080826
Title:
Fading
Quote:
"It’s either stay here and torture myself insane
And slide another razor blade into my vein
Go on trying to pretend nothings wrong
But why pretend anymore I’ve don’t it for too long"
- POISONDAGGERS
WordBank:
breath
ruin
exstistance
revolver
memories
good luck!!!
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