Who are you walking along the broken path?
Picking up the pieces strewn by my wrath.
You move fluidlike through the burning debris.
No one can stop you. Oh, you are so free!
Tell me why you have been chosen to be the one here.
For you're at peace with yourself and free from fear.
I see you silhouetted against the morning rise.
You are so tranquil, peaceful, with no disquise.
The breath of your whisper can be a furious wind.
On your strength and your power, all creatures depend.
You touched my heart, and have taken my strife.
Who are you that I see? The Truth? The Life?
Yet you allow yourself to be brought down by the sin.
By the very creatures you defended, helping to win.
Only after your demise,
Have we surmised.
That in doing so, you've become our Savior and God.
Author notes
Written March 2nd, 2002
What did you think
Comments
1 - 23 of 23
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Very powerful poem I really liked this one. It was one of the best ones I have read in awhile. Keep it going.
Ps: I felt everything you felt while you wrote this. Some people can just sit here and type what comes to their minds and some people may just sit here and try to make things rhyme, but with your words you used, you can tell you did not do either one. You placed your heart into you're work and you did it well So keep it going
Take care now written from Jennette M
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Superb
Nicely flowing. Great use of words! I love this poem.
Who are you walking along the broken path?
Picking up the pieces strewn by my wrath.
You move fluidlike through the burning debris.
No one can stop you. Oh, you are so free!
Tell me why you have been chosen to be the one here.
For you're at peace with yourself and free from fear.
I see you silhouetted against the morning rise.
You are so tranquil, peaceful, with no disquise.
^ Wonderful.
-Sara-
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This is a very lovely post!
UB:) -
hmmmmm.
i guess in transition, this ended up in the 'abuse' category. funny how that happens.
nice reflections. -
excellent
The ending wrapped this up very nicely.
It was a powerful poem & you did a great job!
*Jamie* -
neutral
the rhyme felt forced in my head, but perhaps that is because i'm not used to this style- i am agnostic, but i can appreciate your description of a loving relationship with god.
peace.. -
neutral
Wow. I never really knew much of GOd, so learned to be agnostic I g uess. But a nice write. I can appreciate ur faith.
^,,^~ -
excellent
I had to read it again. Your discription of God is wonderful. 'The breath of your wisper can be a furious wind' it's beautiful. God is all of these things, but you said them with meaning. And, oh what is this, you have a rhyme scheme. Very cool.
****lisa**** -
neutral
I like the ending of this poem. Great. I like the message in this poem. You have talent. the title needs to be as powerful as the poem was.
****lisa**** -
neutral
Excellent write, very powerful indeed.
~Free~ -
excellent
I like this, intriguing. -
excellent
Very nicely done! Beautiful, spiritual poem!
:-) Maureen -
excellent
Very powerful questioning and imagery. Wonderful flow. I like! :) -
don't touch it!
Mmmmm, yes, I like this...Many questions in my mind though, tell me about the ending if you will??
Thanks for sharing, and for reading my poetry too...:o) ~ Ce
Edited by WisperingSkyz on right now. -
excellent
powerfully stated :) enjoyed reading this -
excellent
i like this... but can you explain the title? -
neutral
good different and lovely,
can do a bit of changes..last few lines
loves motus -
don't touch it!
This is so beautiful I love the ending. -
encouraging
this is a most beautiful sight thank you -
Love the ending! Great write! :)
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Smooth and flowing rhymes, great :)
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:) great write, rhymes are great, it's all great :)
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Mmmmmm.... excellent :-) I really enjoy your voice and style.... thanks !
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