" The hand held between lonely " - Pamela A Lamppa
light thrown leaves trees
bark wings chirp branches
wind bright space slow
still open curious gesture
breath greeting smile nod
full quiet loose easy
calm footsteps ramble accept
street
fence pond
halt
tight
loud
quick
speedy
rushing
weary door
lock stairs
water flame incense bench hand thigh breath open light
Author notes
my intention was to write a completely stripped piece of 50 words that each stand on their own ... not connected in the usual sense.
... an experiment.
A contest entry
- Between by Pamela A Lamppa.
1750 points, ended October 28, 2008, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
-
"water flame incense bench hand thigh breath open light" -- it is amazing how a reader can fill in the situation in our minds, and feel something from reading a few carefully chosen words
this is very sensual...
these words invoke such a lovely feeling, each one different with each grouping, i felt peace, nervousness..being alive...
this was a really cool experience, thanks
-
Interesting idea, interesting process, ideal for provoking poets like us into seeing a flow of images connected with the words. Ars gratia artis... will it draw in the general readership? Hmmm? I wonder.
-
-
will it draw general readership ? hardly.
just an attempt to show that the magic of life is in the gaps ... that things really can't be truly conveyed but only marked out and sometimes the less said, the better.
as for " art for art's sake " .... never thought I fell into that category but I might be wrong.
thanks for your comment on this write ... I feel this piece is inadequate but the form has potential.
thanks again.
-
-
Superb plus
As one who enjoys writing in the Bare Bones Poetry Style, I find that each column of words, or the horizontal bottom line, makes a degree of sense, IF one uses their imagination to fill in the
'special effects'. A link to my Bare Bones Poetry Series: http://allpoetry.com/list/60051-Bare-Bones-Poetry---one-word-line-
I hope you'll read and enjoy.
-
I think this would be cool if you went further. Try and connect the words in different ways, the rows and the columns represent completely different ideals. The connection of rows and columns could turn into an extended metaphor on how everything is interlinked no matter how separate things may seem. Kind of like the concept that we are all individuals yet part of the earth.
-
-
thank you for the great comment.
I would love to develop this more and show the interconnectedness. I attempted this but as you can see it is still very shallow.
once again, thanks for the comment.
-
-
This is quite interesting - yes 50 interesting words that can stand on their own and perhaps meet the prompt. I see this piece is also in a group list titled The Workshop which I will come back to after the contest is judged to take a look at.
I am always interested in new ways to convey a message through poetry. Thank you for your entry. ~Pamela
-
Interesting, very cerebral.
All the best,
Mj.
-
experimental to say the least. I like the way some of the lists of words curve with their length. It's a lonely, isolated sort of piece so that fits the prompt.
I just checked again to see if I could find any meaning; you'll be happy to know that I couldn't find any. -
Humm..it is ideed thought provoking but at the same time very curious in processing itself..well done my friend..and thanks...
-
Very creative. I like the idea. In fact, I might even try something like that because it's that creative!
-
-
thank you for the generous comment.
for some reason, the idea struck me when I was walking the city trails. I felt the disparity between the trails and the city streets and wanted to convey the stark difference in stripped words, still holding their potency rather than in smooth phrases. don't know if I pulled it off but had to try.
once again, thanks for your comment.
-
-
i like the idea... :
-
-
thank you for the comment.
I know it's a stretch but I had to try.
once again, thanks for the comment.
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 14 of 14
