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safe word.

you - a burning
universe, the birth of your spine
bubbling the air
with love --

[out here]

i found myself torn by the twisted
heap of your lips,

charred carpet.



Author notes

something i said to my friend the other day:
"it's crazy. i mean, he's so amazing, it's a good thing there's a few hundred miles between, because I swear, if we were in the same room, even the same campus, there'd be so much chemistry we'd explode. and we'd take everybody with us."

spontaneous combustion

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 8 of 8

  • iverbthenoun
    October 19, 2008

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    the last four line really has the belinda-element in them... i am so corny.

    -esha


  • sweetpearl
    October 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Your Heart Glimmers Hope.

    I do not feel I lost faith in my fellow poets here. I just thought I was reading the same line over and over. I disappeared and although I have not returned, I am here. Without the author's note, I would be left wondering about the last line: "charred carpet". However, with this note, it makes a lot of sense. The lines flow well, the way they are broken up makes it shake almost like I am there watching it unfold (explode?). What I found to be striking was "the birth of your spine" ... original and sexy. I found myself licking my lips every time I reread over it. I've always found you to be one of the best writers on here, one of the most underrated ... and you should know this already but since my absence, you may have forgot so I am telling you again. You are fresh and a delight. It is always worth coming back for you.


  • PersephoneInWinter
    October 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    i love love love your intake on the prompt! along with that i loved the format and the imagery. the first few lines were absolutely beautiful. and the end is so dramatic. great write and good luck in my contest!


  • petrichor
    October 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    this is soooo good!
    and that authors comment make it ten times better and made me smile!
    the beginning, is reallyy ace.

    <3


  • ea silver member
    October 15, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Now THIS is a grand take in this prompt!


  • divebar
    October 15, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    .


  • Maldronah
    October 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Your author's notes are definitely a winner.
    Not chemistry, nuclear physics is my guess.
    Critical mass...


  • Reset Button
    October 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Your authors notes make this piece hilarious to me and I'm sorry if that insults you. This is great. I am bookmarking it.

    Yink

1 - 8 of 8