The kiss of the wind
upon my cheek
is like a kiss of life
as I walk along.
Flowers kiss my eyes,
the scent of lilac
and a wisp of rose
touch like kisses on my nose.
And when I stop for coffee,
the hot swallow courses
along my throat
with powerful renewal.
Author notes
Author's name: judyjudyjudy
A contest entry
- Prewrites for Comments :] by ElectricBloom.
700 points, ended November 23, 2008, 30 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - a kiss by PrabhuDayal Khattar.
400 points, ended October 28, 2008, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
So, what's your opinion of this?
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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sparks of happiness when pecked in our environment...
this is a brief reposturing from a surprise, finely within our elements as by love... especially the first two stanzas stating our satisfaction when softly reached by nature, like a stamp of the maker.
The invigoration of the atmosphere opens my smile to turn as you to such side, to sigh notice more. the increasing contact of enjoyment from "Flowers kiss my eyes,
the scent of lilac" was my daughter's favorite part with my tappingly recollecting and ah such scenes are interestingly for reminiscing, so much as for fondness ~
the third section did abrubtly go indoors lol for connected imagery to go there, unless sun brewed haha --
entertainingly and seriously touched to the heart with this,
called Carolyn -
Excellent
What a great creation. And so well done. Best of luck in the contest.

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Wow Judy you have captured nature, and the spirit of humans in these words. Enjoying life can be just like a kiss....excellent...Novy


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Well the life and its environment is amalgamated through the beauty of the love and the depth of the kiss..the immages are very strongly representing the souls of the lovers..I love this expereince shown here ..and my thanks for sharing such a wonderful piece..well done..
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This is very cute.
You have some beautiful imagery throughout and you've clearly really thought about what you're writing. You've expressed yourself well.
I love the shortness of the piece, simple and descriptive! The way I love poems!
Authors name?
ElectricBloom -
It's better
the rewrite shows that you put a bit of thought into this poem, well expressed and flows well too.
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Interesting take and nicely penned....luck to you.


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Nice contest entry (You're a bit of a hippy deep down aren't you?)


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I agree with you in that I too think it feels a bit scattered, like maybe it's a little rushed. I do get what you're trying to say but I think it's one you could go back to for revising.
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Thanks so much
I have changed it completely.
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1 - 10 of 10







