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The Last Poem

It was a dream and you woke me up,
It was all perfect you were the one.

But i gasp now and clutch my chest,
The pain exceeds when will it rest.

I look down and my hands start shaking,
A sick sick feeling and the sound of my heart breaking.

The river of tears and the pain i go through,
Will never change my feelings for you.

It was your choice to let our love die,
Forget the reasons i understand why.

You broke every promise that you wanted to keep,
But you don't know how much its hurting me.

I hate you and love you and everything in between,
I don't blame you i just wanna scream.

You talk about death but i die everyday,
Being with out you is the worst kind of pain.

I swear i asked God to take me that day,

because i cant take anymore i cant live this way.

Its all god's willing and what ever he wants will be,
But babe I love you and you'll be forever a part of me

Author notes

Mylee


we just werent meant to be..i think the poems explains its self

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • eizen-wolf
    November 29, 2008

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    well done

    very very beautifull and touching words i felt the touch of the words on my heart really well done and keep writting and share it with us


  • ladyhelenaofsorrows
    November 10, 2008

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    Beautifully done! The emotion is absolutely great, i really like it! I agree with the previous comment on rhyming, tho. This sort of raw emotional work doesn't need it, and may actually be somewhat hindered by it. This is just a thought, don't feel obligated to change it: it might be a little more easy to read if you shortened the lines. again, just a thought. i love the line " I don't blame you, I just wanna scream," it perfectly sums up the agony and frustration at why things couldn't be better. Very well done, and a very strong piece!


  • YOtta
    November 8, 2008

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    Lost dreams
    Broken promises
    And shattered hearts.

    I think everyone can relate to your poem one way or the other.
    Loved your structure and your flow went on very well.
    You expressed your emotions, taking us step by step through your relationship, how it started and how it tragically ended.

    In between the beginning and end you reflected mixed emotions of pain, love, desires and death.
    You spoke your heart out with simple words and it’s truly heartfelt and extremely emotional.

    Just one suggestion, you chose to rhyme the ending of each word to match the previous one, I think there were a couple that didn’t rhyme and that did sound off in comparison to the rest of the poem, continue your rhyming structure through out your whole write, it’ll definitely empower your poem.

    For example:

    You broke every promise that you wanted to keep, (take off the “that“, not necessary)
    But you don't know how much its hurting me. (a word that rhymes with “keep“

    Could change to…

    You broke every promise you wanted me to keep,
    But you don’t know how much the pain runs deep.

    Hope this helps.
    Thank you for sharing =)!


  • Mrs. McAlpin
    November 7, 2008

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    HIGH FIVE

    I love how raw this poem was it's awesome and I love the way you expressed yourself. You rarely see people doing that anymore. It was a little to rhyming though, I love a rhyming poem just like anyone else, but sometimes just having you spill your emotions on paper whether they rhyme or not is enough to move anyone to tears.


  • cloe009
    November 7, 2008
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    i like it. it has alot of emotion in it which is not seen all that much anymore

1 - 5 of 5