As I carry this heavy backpack on my shoulders
it feels like I have the weight of the world on them.
I look ahead at my fellow soilder...and think to myself
there is no turning back after this
so many place, so many faces,
but I do it for my friends, for my family,
for my country.
I walk past the sign that welcomes me and my fellow soilders to Korea
and breathe a sigh of a relief that
it is'nt Iraq or Afghanistain.
I think of the new adventure my soilders and I are about to face
I think of the people back home praying for us
as a tear rolls down my face
I think of the people before me
who have lost their lives
for their country.
I think of how I left basic training a man,
and entered my frist duty station, here in Korea
as a solider.
The Poetic Angel
A contest entry
- What Do You See? (Military version) by Shadowsong.
1700 points, ended October 28, 2008, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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this is good, but please check your spelling! There are a lot of points up for grabs here....
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This is a good poem. and a powerful story behind it. Sometimes you choose to start a new line half way through a sentence and it leaves the reader confused. For instance,
"and breathe a sigh of a relief that
it is'nt Iraq or Afghanistain."
you could really just do with out the "that" in this. Or if you want to keep the "that" then there needs to be a comma or something.
Theres also a fair amount of spelling and grammatical errors that can easily be fixed with spell check. But they are minor details.
overall its a good powerful poem.
Keep writing. -
Lovely sentiments, indeed.
This could shine more with a run through a spell checker.
Be well,
Mark
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I liked it. Good write.
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This is great! I love all of the emotions
and the thought that you put into this one.
Well done and good luck to you with this one
in the contest. Thanks a lot for sharing it!
Jeremy0826 -
i loved it, its wonderfful i hope you win the contest
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