avoiding eye contact
he listens intently to glorified stories
of upper crust folk
sipping latte’s
shining their black Dolce and Gabbana’s
bearing scuffed toes from kicking
the lower class they frown upon
like he who covers their sins
Author notes
30-40 words on the contest prompt
Polish
A contest entry
- Prompt Contest 10 entries 30 to 40 words #11 by mysticstorm.
475 points, ended October 16, 2008, 9 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Imagery. Metaphor. Style. Pre-writes. by Floorboards.
625 points, ended November 13, 2008, 6 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrite Quickie by wandyway.
550 points, ended July 25, 17 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
-
Wow; what a deeply metaphorical
piece and so filled with depth.
This was absolutely stunning,
and abstract as well in concept;
you really poured a lot of meaning here.
Loved it!
Best of luck & thanks for entering
-
SILVER
Totally deserved this little cup, well done
-
Beautiful, blunt, brilliant.
I love that so little is given away apart from the man's shame, and that there's a story behind this. I particularly like ~
"bearing scuffed toes from kicking
the lower class they frown upon"
~ and the fabulous twist at the end:
"like he who covers their sins"
Thank you very, very much for entering. A pleasure to read, miss. Good luck
-
I have recently took on a side job as a coffee girl around Vail, so this poem really struck a cord with me. Great images and dicton!
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wow, this poems rightly so deserves those throphies
-
Congratulations, on another day this might have one, 'twas very close indeed,
well done,
Alex.
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Excellent poetry, impressive stuff.
My scores are,
Imagery; 9
Metaphor; 8
Style; 10
Total. 27. Great score, the frontrunner. -
Congrats on the Golden Chalice!!!
Wow, this is so thought-provoking! You woke me up!! Anyway, the truth shines for all the world to see - right here. Thank you for enlightening us, and write on!!! Peace, Cyn
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I see why this won gold. You are amazing! You wrote volumes in just a few words. The last line is original and thought provoking.
Love,
Amera♥
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A very lovely and "polished" write.. A well deserved gold.
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Amazing. Congratulations on your well deserved trophy. Excellent verse to this prompt and excellence in brevity. I enjoyed this very much. ~Pamela
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Wonderfully creative. The injustice of such disparity tumbles upon us like pebbles dislodged from the shoe. Striking down on those trodden upon. Well done and best to you.
Mouser
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Truly stunning...my kind of write...I do believe I could have wrote this one myself but not near as graceful....sad reality of life here and very creative take on the prompt...
thank you for entering!
mystic -
a great take on the promt good luckin the contest
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Goodgollygosh!
I love the scuffed toes part; sad but alas true
Best of Luck
♥
Stay safe
Love to You
~Manda
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Clever
Great metaphoric write that explores greatly "outside the box"
Great imagination and imagery
Wish you the best in the contest
Take care
David
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Wow! Just amazing, as usual. Another gold to v=come zI think. Wonderful metaphor with this!
All the best.
Gaylene
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