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Heaven In A Bottle,


I sucked in the vapors
from the chalice of lies
I couldn't comprehend
what I found inside

I'm in the big circle
a sound that went bang
So I opened another
and found a new friend

Trying hard to please me
I'll give it that much
I drink another bottle
and take heaven for lunch

The time keeps ticking
past my wishful charade
Heaven in a bottle
makes it all go away.

Author notes

Author: Timespell 'Light My Candle'

A contest entry

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • georgie
    November 21, 2008

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    unfortunately that 'heaven in a bottle' is playing with ur mind... might seem like fun at the time, might seem like ur the life of the party when everyone is actually looking down on u... but when u start losing friends and nearly lose family over it... its actually hell in a bottle. pain relief is over quick with that bottle in ur hand... but when the forgetting of pain comes the hangovers and the rememberance of what you have done, how much money you have spent, who u have hurt and are in some cases still hurting by the people who love you see you drinking yourself to death, living under bridges, on the streets, selling everything you own or hocking sentimental things for just another days 'pain relief'. im a recovering alcoholic... ive not done long... one month one day off today... but my life has already changed so much for the better. not trying to preach anyway... thats just not me... just stating how my life is, what memories this poem bought back and what my life was... in other words it's a brilliant poem. makes you think. that i like.
    hugs,
    georgie,
    xxx


  • broken-colours
    November 18, 2008

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    So it's about alcohol? o.O *nervous chuckle* That's what it sounded like. If so, it's a very descriptive and realistic poem about alcohol! I believe my first stanza is my favourite.

    Very nice.
    <3


  • herrlurch
    October 17, 2008

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    "I'm in the big circle
    a sound that went bang
    So I opened another
    and found a new friend"
    Here's my favourite. It kind of reflects the remote-controlled conduct some people practise (or, 'are being practised on'?) towards alcohol (you always find someone in the proximity struggling with alc). The contest is over, but after some time I spell my points on you nevertheless.


  • Georgia La Mariposa
    October 15, 2008

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    wow I LOVED this! Fantastic work with this it's just superb, best of luck in the contest this is a fantastic take on the prompt,


    • Timespell
      October 15, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks... I must admit the prompt really grabbed my attention. Must of been because, I spend a lot of time looking for heaven in a bottle ) Ha'

      All the best,

      ~T.S~

1 - 6 of 6