the isolating darkness
flows liquid behind my eyes
finding its own level
like magpies kiting on the wind
that fingers through the hole
in my chest where you
crow barred my heart out
like rusty plumbing;
you folded my world over
so I can’t find my way home
and left me alone in the middle
of your catastrophic plan
looking back on your handiwork
you see that it is good
Author notes
Picture credit: A_bad_dream___Silent_places_IV_by_Stefano83
A contest entry
- Write Me A Poem!!! How Hard Is That? by PerfectImperfection.
600 points, ended October 28, 2008, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Pre-writes and Fresh Writes Contest by FloridaGatorQueen.
525 points, ended November 15, 2008, 66 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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This is a really cool poem. Sounds like a really bad nightmare to me. Pretty scary this was. I enjoyed the read!!! Thank you for entering my contest
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This has such a powerful beginning to it!!! Very nice use of imagery to scrape along the hem of thought, provoking the mind. Sad, pained, and poignant. The end however for me, was a bit lacking. Thank you for your entry & Best wishes in the contest!
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Stunning. There is so much hurt here.
Painful and yet beautiful.
Wow, you really are in top form right now!
Amen to that,
jin
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So much powerful hurt ...
in this poem: a gale leaving behind destruction and mutilation. As usual, fresh phrasings in the true Garrison style, loaded with meaning and emotion.
Superb.
Blessed be.
Myra
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folded neatly, no, unfolding talent that reaches sky, beyond, spirit, my mind...You're amazing!
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the isolating darkness
flows liquid behind my eyes
finding its own level
like magpies kiting on the wind
...(I've been trying to comment... and for quite some time)-
Your poetry seems to have a strange effect on me.
The concept of darkness flowing at its own will, within you, with the chilling wind easily fingering the hole. -powerful. To be confined, consumed and taken appart by seemingly, purely external manipulations.
The way you've examined the aftermath of actions in deep metaphorical terms, linked it so smoothly into the direct and personal. . then rapidly zoom out to the massive destruction and loss as a whole
-is brilliant.
"crow-barred"- great texture to the words and the violent implications of forced movement and vandalism, solid with so many connections- time related ect.
Then "magpies" is perfect- such connotations to fit the image and ways far deeper than the visual. The very sound of that line alone is bleak- and the contrast of movement within it- how much more can go into a line ?!.
And the folding of a world.
-The last line sounds Biblical- so flawlessly twisted, couldn't be better words. It echoes Genesis like the voice of a strange god, speaking of creation.
Why am I telling you all this? You wrote it.
And I haven't even said a fragment of it.
Wiry complexity polished within surreal bouts of dark wind,
well finished.
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"you folded my world over so I can't find my way home" love that line.
magpies kiting on the wind- never thought kiting could be a verb. you've coined it right? so creative.
rusty pluming.. or plumbing?
the ending is very strong.
oh and good title too... always thought of sky as being dark or light but never the wind... interesting
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so deep and beautiful. ive got to read more of your work
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