She looked better in the dark

A met her at a bar
She said she had a car
And that she could give me a ride
Well she looked pretty swell
So I thought "what the hell"
And then we both went inside

Things got hot
It got heavy
And I was doing everything right
And I would've kept going
Without ever knowing
But I had to turn on the light

OH MY GOD
She looked better in the dark
OH MY GOD
She's as wide as Noah's Ark
OH MY GOD
She much more worse than a whooping cough
OH MY GOD
I got on easily but I can't get off

Well I tried just to leave
But you wouldn't believe
The twinkle in her lazy eye
Ones on the clock
The others on my...face
I want to put this night aside

But it's too late
She's in my head
An image I cannot erase
Her teeth kind of look green
And has spaces in between
And I can't look straight at her face

OH MY GOD
She looked better in the dark
OH MY GOD
I feel like an explorer like Louis and Clark
OH MY GOD
Shes so massive and I got lost
OH MY GOD
I got on easily but I can't get off

She was finally done
At 3:41
She had rolled over and fallen asleep
And now I can go
And forget this low
Before I get in too deep

I got a call
Shes on the phone
She says that she is pregnant
Speechless for a while
Then I said with a smile
It can't be mine, I faked it