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Fall

bare branches
shoulders hunched
- temperature plunges

Author notes

To me, autumn can only be imagined

A contest entry

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 22 of 22

  • azure85 gold member
    October 26, 2008

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    bare branches
    shoulders hunched
    - temperature plunges

    And very good imagination, you have brought out a good image with multiple meanings, an excellent haiku. Thank you so much!


  • Freak-in-BlackJeans
    October 24, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Yes, autumn is the best thing there is, and you have proved it with this haiku. Gorgeous write.


    • Lee Tai Wah
      October 25, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Hi Freak-in-BlackJeans

      Thank you. I am glad you like it.


  • SmokinHotWhiteTiger
    October 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Very Nice

    I really like the ebb and flow to this write. I mean I really like the over all quality depth and flow to this write as well. I mean what really stands out to me is how this Haiku was worded and also how incredibly easily it was to imagine all of this taking place as we all have first reactions to tense up to keep warmer but we should do quite the opposite as tensing up will cause muscle strains and spams ect. any ways a brilliant write and enjoyed it. good luck in the contest


    • Lee Tai Wah
      October 25, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Hi SmokinHotWhiteTiger

      I like the way you interpret this. I did not know tensing up will cause muscle strain.


  • mbm
    October 16, 2008

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    progressively felt

    strange how the first two lines were of gallery not really joined until the caption of aha. because outside knowing of theme this was written for, they could've represented a tree cutter I've seen over his work. but you brought me out of recall, into the right color of fall...

    great flash of the tilde to really lay the imprint, with resonance it's not boring with the pretty ground to stare at before the freeze takes action --

    quick witted!
    call me Carolyn


  • Summer52
    October 16, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Hahaha!

    Oh, I like teasing you, pengyou Lee!

    I really laugh being silly with you here.

    I know....


    summer51


  • DogFish silver member
    October 15, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    ...soon!

  • Summer52
    October 15, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Very vivid image of Autumn.

    So, autumn can mean the last season of human life, no?

    Good luck, pengyou Lee in all the Haiku contests you join in.





    summer51

    • Lee Tai Wah
      October 16, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Hi summer

      Thank you. I am trying very hard to chase you in terms of trophies . Are you learning Mandarin now? last season of Human life? Nah, it's just another phase.


      • Summer52
        October 16, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        What is "pahse?" Mandarin or Malay word?


        summer51


        • Lee Tai Wah
          October 16, 2008
          Edit | Reply

          Hi summer

          Sorry, should be phase. You don't even know what language you are learning? Pen tan.

          • Summer52
            October 16, 2008

            Edit | Reply

            What's Pen Tan?

            The color of the pen is tan?

            That I really don't know, eh... hehehe!
            Hope those are nice words ha?

            summer51

      • Summer52
        October 16, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        Hello, pengyou Lee.

        Weishen me? You don't have to "chase" me in terms of trophies. Just "walk" slowly.... and you will get there. don't be in a hurry... you're still young...

        That's Mandarin? Awww... I thought I'm learning Bahasa Malay, eh.


        summer51


  • Aesthete2000 gold member
    October 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Lee, great image. A high of 82 degrees here two days ago, now more seasonably, a cool gentle rain.
    YOu imagine well!!!

    I could send you a bag of gold-dipped yellow leaves
    that are drifting down to cover the still-green lawn!

    • Lee Tai Wah
      October 16, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Hi Aesthete

      82 degrees? Is it Indian summer? Gold-dipped yellow leaves drifting down from the sky! Wow! That would be a sight to behold! But the raking!!! Sigh.


  • just mercedes gold member
    October 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    great image - i can see bare branches as hunched shoulders.

    though I guess for you most trees are evergreen, and the temperature doesn't vary much.


    • Lee Tai Wah
      October 16, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Hi pania

      Thank you. Yes, for me trees are evergreen and the temperature varies around 84 F

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