Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

manhole

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

it was a monday

kinda tuesday

and the scorpion mezcal

still had a long tooth song

skipping like worn vinyl

 

 

coffee and white line fever

bandaged my eyes

from the manhole cover

of forbidden

 

 

i can't remember

her name

or the color

of her dress

 

 

but 

the black satin garter

under a spanish moon

was an open mouth

to her wave

 

 

i was a division 

of clocks

with no idle hands

and the midnight hour

struck numb

 

 

goin' south

while mirrors

flashed white

and a delicate balance

between the scorpion

and her

sting

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In a list

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 7 of 7

  • Randomly Beautiful
    November 3, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    it was a monday

    kinda tuesday


  • zochit2me gold member
    October 25, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Oh and sneaky title...lol


  • zochit2me gold member
    October 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This rocks

    Love the imagery. It has a beat feel to it.

    thanks for coming to play Richard.

    Man I love this


  • AJ Morelli gold member
    October 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    boy the title had me completely fooled...lol

    this has a wonderful beat feel to it... coffee and white lines, the memories flood back


    al


  • notorious
    October 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    DAMNATION!

    LOVE the font you've chosen--it's as blunt as this poem is beautiful, in a weird way.

    Alert: Just used the word 'beautiful' and meant it. Oh god.

    "still had a long tooth song
    skipping like worn vinyl"
    Stunning original...!!! Love the simile compared to vinyl, and the adjective 'worn'...nice.

    Second stanza-loved the entire thing to death and to life and other things. So, so good and ♥ the use of 'bandaged'.

    Third stanza...HAHA! One-night stand, maybe...?

    Nice inclusion of "spanish moon"--incidentally, how is that different from a normal moon...? LoL.

    "i was a division
    of clocks
    with no idle hands
    and the midnight hour
    struck numb"
    LOVE THAT!!! Yeah, you included aspects of time and made them well...yours. Love. "no idle hands" is my favorite part.

    "and her
    sting"
    Love this--it's utterly poisoning. Brilliance personified, brilliant ending.

    Holy crap this is good.




    Jessica

  • Melissa Gayle gold member
    October 14, 2008
    Edit | Reply


  • marc creamore
    October 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Damn Richard . . . I must say that you are on some kind of roll at present!!! This one sings to me from a dark alley that I am almost fearful to walk down . . . musically brilliant, as usual . . .

    Marc

1 - 7 of 7