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Thank the River Thank the Rain

It does no good to stare it down
Or rail against the river's rise.
The river’s got no shame or sense
Nor does it fear your eyes.
You can neither curse the gorge
Nor dance the flood away.

So thank the river; thank the rain;
Thank God’s blessing in disguise.
It brings the topsoil rich and dense,
Lays down a precious prize.
So we can either thank the Heavens
Or maybe miss the point.

Yet always in the midst of pain
My mind and spirit would capsize.
Depression crushed my mind’s defense
‘Till flooding made me realize
That trouble forces me to think,
And thought can make me wise.

A contest entry

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 25 of 25

  • lovesky
    November 25, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    What a truely amazin write! Your idea really worked , great work!
    Best of luck in the contest!


  • Still Standing gold member
    November 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Very Good

    I really enjoyed this poem it made you think about things that are not what we consider beautiful, but to find the beauty in all things. Like the rain...Many people get pissed off with it, but looking at it the way you do, it makes it all make sense everything has its purpose...Thank you!


  • Kimmini
    November 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I really enjoyed this poem.
    Yet always in the midst of pain
    My mind and spirit would capsize.
    Depression crushed my mind’s defense
    ‘Till flooding made me realize
    That trouble forces me to think,
    And thought can make me wise.
    I just brought my son home from the hospital yesterday for his bi-polar he was gone for 2 weeks but even in my pain I realized I was learning. You struck a cord with me thank you for sharing!


  • Melissa Burns
    November 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I really enjoyed reading this poem, the stle reminds me of someone on here I enjoy reading. ANYWAYS thanks for the entry, i enjoyed it


  • lindaburns gold member
    November 4, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    JUDGE:

    When I commented on this October 25th, I said
    "“In all things, give thanks” Your poem is short and to the point. It shows a certain down-to-earth attitude and looks to see the good in a thing that might well have not-good consequences as well. Good luck in the contest."
    Good luck in this additional contest, as well.

  • Lemure S. Knox
    October 30, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I think this a wonderful poem, sir; the last stanza being my favorite part.


  • hardluck
    October 30, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Hi,

    I would just like to wish you the best of luck
    in the contest


  • queen Moderators member
    October 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    welcome to all poetry

    Hi patrick20traveler

    Good poem poet i like the sublte rhyming you have throughout the poem thank you for entering and good luck in the contest
    Barbara
    site greeter


  • Lady Altheia gold member
    October 29, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Welcome to AllPoetry

    I thought this was an interesting poem. Water is a blessing. We need it to survive. Too much water in form of floods is not a good thing. Also, may I make a suggestion? Please include the option number in your author notes. Thiis little step helps the judges out immensely.

    Lady Altheia
    site greeter

  • Judith Chandler
    October 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Perhaps there is a cycle of some kind. I seem to be through it now but for a while I was struggling. Thank you for taking the time to notice and thanks for your entry in my contest.


  • lindaburns gold member
    October 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Welcome to AllPoetry!

    “In all things, give thanks” Your poem is short and to the point. It shows a certain down-to-earth attitude and looks to see the good in a thing that might well have not-good consequences as well. Good luck in the contest.

    • patrick20traveler
      October 26, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks for reading and your comments. It's short because I am struggling with the third stanza which is about bipolar depression and how it can lead a person to greater wisdom.


  • whispernthedark Greeters member
    October 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Welcome to Allpoetry

    This is a different take on the prompt, and more thanks should be given there. Wonderful write, good luck.


    whisper

  • Warrior7
    October 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Welcome To Allpoetry

    Hi patrick20traveler

    Enjoyed the read more so because we are in drought in Australia so this poem made me wish that i could thank the heavens for a descent rainfall. Great work. Good luck in the contest and keep writing


  • Immortal Obscurity Greeters member
    October 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Welcome to Allpoetry

    I really like your take on this... The message within your words is a powerful one; that we should be grateful for our blessings, instead of cursing that which we do not have.

    My favourite bit was this one:

    "The river’s got no shame or sense
    Nor does it fear your eyes
    You can neither curse the gorge
    Nor dance the flood away."

    This reminds me a lot of a quote I love:

    "Instead of cursing the thorns on roses, why not be grateful that there are roses on thorns."

    (or something to that effect... my brain is mush right now )

    Welcome aboard!

    Laura, aka Immortal


  • LionessK gold member
    October 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    welcome to allpoetry

    I did not read this before your edits but I do like what you have now. The message behind your words and the way it's written out. I especially liked your last two lines. Thank you for the smile.
    Best of luck to you in the contest.


  • StormGoddess Greeters member
    October 16, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Welcome to AllPoetry!

    The meaning in this is wonderful- and true, because so many do seem to miss the point. I do think though, the line a precious prize, just doesn;t fit. It is too short in comparison to the other lines and really throws the flow of this iff. Other than that, nicely done.

    Welcome to AP and good luck in the contest.

    • patrick20traveler
      October 16, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Yours is the kind of feedback that is truly helpful. You are absolutely correct in observing that the meter of that line did not match the meter in line 4 of the previous stanza. I think I fixed it with "Lays down a precious prize." Does that work for you?


  • raspberry Greeters member
    October 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Welcome to Allpoetry

    when poeple forget to thank fellow men these days, it is indeed very humane.. very kind of you to stop and thank the rain and the river That shows the true poet in you!! Very good.. Keep it up..


  • Valley Girl silver member
    October 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Welcome To All Poetry

    I like how you have written about apperciating nature. People take it for granted too often. Very creative twist. Thanks for sharing and best of luck in the contest.


  • SeptemberFaith
    October 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Welcome to Allpoetry

    Hello Patrick,

    The line "nor fears your eyes", I think would fit better as "nor does it fear your eyes". I think this poem could benefit from some revision. I love the idea and message the poem sends, but feel that the delivery was a not as strong as the message.

    One of the lines that I didnt think fit was "you can neither curse the thing". I think "the thing" doesnt really compliment the ideal you are expressing and I think the flow would benefit if this line was revised.

    I think you are sharing a good message. Good luck in the contest.

    Criss

    • patrick20traveler
      October 15, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks for your help. I incorporated your suggestions "nor does it fear your eyes" which I thought was much better than the original. I'm giving a lot of thought to your thought on "the thing" and want to come up with some kind of change there also. I appreciate your taking the time to help me. Mahalo plenty.


  • Polaja Greeters member
    October 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Welcome to Allpoetry!

    I really like the take on the first prompt this is a beautiful poem with such a strong message in it - I love the ending line, it adds a playful twist I wish you the best of luck in the contest!

    Keep writing

    Polly

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