Its always been like this. For what I can remember, at least. I used to not understand.
Mommy got too mad sometimes.
It was okay.
Daddy did stupid stuff sometimes.
It was okay.
It.
Is.
Not.
Okay.
Scars.
They flood me. All over me.
On my heart. On my mind. On my memories...... On my arms.
Sure, the physical ones were self inflicted. But don't you act for one damn second like its not due to you.
Mommy doesn't just get mad.
She gets furious.
Its the alcohol, isn't it?
And thats why she hits daddy.
Or she will raise her arm at me.
Or hit my sister.
Or bruise me.
Daddy doesn't just get stupid.
He gets ridiculous.
Its the pills, isn't it?
And thats why he hits mommy.
Or he will say he will throw us out.
Or call the cops on mommy.
Or dissapear for hours on end.
I didn't see it for a long time. But now..now I do. And I see it all.
Mommy, Daddy-
Pretend I don't understand.
I know it makes you feel better. It makes everything alright.
Its always been "anything for you, hunny."
It is not that simple. I understand. And I certainly know.
The stress overwhelms me.
Mommy, you talk about how we used to do so much. But..I don't remember it. To me, it never happened. My life has always been world war 3.
Screaming.
Yes, the screaming.
You don't know these walls as I do.
I know them a hell of alot more than you. More than you ever will.
They speak to me.
But no matter what they say to try and comfort me, your rising voices can be heard.
They are paper thin, Mommy, Daddy.
She moved out. She is gone. She has been.
And at first it was okay. But not anymore.
No, its not okay.
I miss my sister.
She helped me. Sure, I never really talked to her like I know I used to. I don't remember.... But I know that once upon a time... we were close. I don't talk to any of you. Or anyone. Its all inside me. And now thats she is gone..
I feel it gnawing at me.
Just adding more scars.
Relapsed today. All of us.
Sissy wasn't here to see it.
But Mommy thought that one more drink wouldnt hurt.
It did.
But Daddy thought that one more pill wouldnt hurt.
It did.
I knew that one more scar would hurt.
It did.
Author notes
I haven't written this yet.. but I don't think it will be much of a poem. Basically a rant. I just need to write this somewhere. Hopefully it will help. None of this is in perfect order of how things have happened. But as things popped into my head, it helped to put them down.
Keep critisizm down on this one, please. But feel free to comment please! :]
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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I am reading this and parts of it I understand only too well. I hear you... the hurting, the SI, the pain... I hear you, I am listening. The emotions are here you say them well. It speaks more then you know.
~*Lady Serenity -
harder than to describe
Its difficult this, i am feeling right now like someone just whacked a sledge hammer over my head... hit a nerve but you need to get it out its better than cutting even though it may not feel that way now.
take care ok great write only no one should be writing about this because it shouldn't happen to anyone
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This is so sad...
Does this actually happen to you?
Good luck and such
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I really enjoyed reading this. I loved all of the emotion, and pain behind this. I also liked the last stanza, and the title is what originally drew me to the poem. Awesome write.
XXCrimsonRaineXX
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Wow... I'm speechless.... It's been a very long time since I've seen so much emotion in one poem. I love the stanzas and how you wrote. This is great, keep on writing. Get it out, it's better the cutting. Trust me.
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omg
i'm speechless.. this was a great read.. i will deffenitly keep reading some more of your poems
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wow so goood it hit me hard and fast well to make it short nice!
-XXXsixfeetunderXXX -
its difficult
what you say hits a nerve.....
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