What's it that they want
a pretty little debutante
does it matter what font
I don't know
Should we go for shock
or steady as a rock what!
would make them flock
I don't know
I'm simply one who's gone
an' don't mind being wrong
but it's bin' oh' so long, that
I don't know
Sterile terror in perfection
gives out thin complexion
fills me inside with dejection
an' I jus' dunno
I'm simply one who's deep in love
with my gorgeous girl sent from above
wanna put song in the ear of my beautiful dove
and I guess that now she knows
and I guess that by now I know
that it's all really so important to me
I'm sure that having considered you might agree
it's an honest heart and soul of feeling that brings the best to poetry
as I guess by now we all know
Author notes
I do like rhyming when it isn't too forced into place,
love it when it flows naturally and not pushed into one's face.
I do much admire this triplet form but I know I've gone all over the place
thank you, great contest!
A contest entry
- TRIPLETS ~ painlessly! #133 Allpoetry invited by Lyndon.
3500 points, ended October 31, 2008, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Welcome any sincere response and critique
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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well why not finish on a flourish lol it is all dramtic interplay anyway, rhyme's sometimes sublime, and that is fine, but sometimes it's in your face, let's mace it lol
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A lovely poem, but sadly a better poem than triplet as the form slips in a couple of places. The theme develops nicely and the final lines and the informal speech is delicious, great stuff !
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Thanks cricket... yeh' it did go a little wild towards the end, 'twas a god fun contest though. thank you.
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this was good to read...sing-song quality to it.
I think I'll bookmark this as one of my favorites by
you love, lane
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Thanks Lane
It was a bit of fun this one... so glad you like it!
Sol
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I always knew there was a rhymer in there somewhere .how about setting it to music, Ros
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what a hoot... and so silly and sensitive too!! i can't help but smile and your rhymes as they are fun and cute and don't make me barf in a bucket
lololololol
and she's a pretty girl indeed!!!!!
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Hello Thank you
... glad it didn't make you barf
Let's
keep
the
flowers
away from that word
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humour a lilting rhyme or two and you have me smiling... especially with the rhyme in the author's notes
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Really nice to see you Janet... and thank you
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Fantastic all the way through. A definite song to break out into with some drinking pals. Triplets are sets of children. . aren't they? Kidding. Self deprecating humour, as I wouldn't know a triplet from a quatrain, except the one extra line. Sad I must confess this on your poem, sorry
Loved it, I hope you win.
jin
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Thank you jin
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You're a character, you are.
X
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... a caricature?
... oh' a character... thank you
X
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