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Revenge, Reprisal

The words you speak make your tongue weak
You’ve hit the peak & fluids leak
My acts will avenge, sit still for my revenge
Fallen references & ghastly sins. I see your smile & gathered grins
Keep smiling, wait for my revenge
Gather all ego and independence
The words you speak make your tongue weak
As blood runs, it’s your pain I seek
My anger boils and temper rises. Oh believe me. You’ll be surprised
Many minds won’t know a thing as heavy voices being to sing
So much weight and heavy steel. Yes baby, this nightmare is real
Your tongue so weak. What’s wrong, can’t speak?
Mm your screams are so unique

Author notes

Hailee is Metal
<3

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 17 of 17

  • RedAquarius
    January 26

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    Although I am not a fan of rhyming, I like the internal rhyme you have going here. Very frenetic feel to the pacing, which helps the dark overtones. Solid.


  • Joseph Hollis
    December 15, 2008

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    The rhyme works here. This one took me to many different places. It's nice to see vengeance in its purest form. Powerfully written. Well done.


  • chilali
    November 5, 2008

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    Wow! I love the rhymes here Hailee. Well done. I am hooked!! Haha. You don't have one boring poem here! I am surprised you did not win this contest!!!! You should have. Great write!


  • AboveApathy
    November 2, 2008

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    wow. i LOVED. the rhymes in here. ie the first and last couplet things. amazing! i also liked how short the poem is. i have an attention issue lol.


  • Not-The-Sun
    October 21, 2008

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    nice poem! I like the last 4 lines, about you enjoying their scream and how "this nightmare is real". Great line, I really loved this ending. I think the diction that you used was well chosen. Things sort of go in pairs here, like "anger boils" and "temper rises" and then "weight and heavy steel". Good luck in the contest!


    • HaileeDear
      December 4, 2008
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      thanks! i love feedback. your comments are wonderful, feel free to comment more :]


  • lowercase prelude gold member
    October 20, 2008
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    Good poem
    Revenge sucks...but not when you are the one committing it.


  • Deathless1
    October 17, 2008

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    i like this, revenge at a young age.
    many times i have thought about achieving "pay back" but it is hard to do within the limits of the Geneva Convention.lol

    Great Write
    and i hope you make them pay.


  • LadyDementia gold member
    October 16, 2008

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    Interesting rhyme you've got going, gives the write a wicked beat! Love the dark tone carried throughout Nothing better than some good revenge Great read! Good luck in your contest


  • MD Masroor
    October 16, 2008

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    A unique rhyming scheme, one that makes the flow of the poem look all the more better. The 1st line and the last line of the poem is very deeply connected, and it makes you, or rather made me read it thrice because it's like a never ending story to me. Beautiful imagery, and has the perfect amount of dark. This poem is awesome. Amen.


  • Samantha Marie
    October 14, 2008

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    oo i like it, you always make rhyme interesting love,
    amazing write

1 - 17 of 17