The silence is unbearable, unbreakable, destructive.
It covets, consumes, is controlling and instructive.
Moving on from one to 'nother, closing off the throat.
Drowning in the echoed silence, tell me, can you float?
Wisper; speak; for Christ's sake yell!
What you want, I can't tell,
Your games are sending me to hell.
But down in hell, flames lick flesh;
Up on earth there's awckward breath
& I am left to guess
What's on your mind
'Cause you won't say
So one more day
these games I play
A contest entry
- Silence by Lislaine.
600 points, ended October 16, 2008, 29 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Wow. You write you so greatly. I am really enjoying what i have read so far and I hope to read more soon. Have a great week. Thanks so much for sharing your work here with us.
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coolz
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I love those first two lines. Unique rhyme, great alliteration, and you've used those techniques without compromising the meaning. Rather, you've enhanced the description very meaningfully.
I must admit to feeling a little let down by the last line because of the awkward phrasing, and I think you could have gotten away without rhyming there to punctuate your final thought. For some reason I feel like this piece is leading me toward the end of a plank and I'm left standing with my toes at the edge - however, I can see how that feeling would be fitting for this subject matter.
Overall, I really like the pace and the passion of this piece, and it's good to see some recent action from you!
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Thanks BH, I've been writting alot, but I haven't posted much. One of these days....
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I hope you'll get around to posting some of your new stuff soon! Always an impressive read...
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amazingly written
Goodluck
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Thank you.
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