Daddy was a drunk,
Mama was always gone,
so me and my brother and sister,
sat all alone at home.
Daddy had his liquor and pills,
Mama had her job,
so me and my brother and sister,
sat all alone at home.
Daddy got mad one night,
Mama wasn't there,
I was covered in bruises the next day,
but at least my brother and sister were okay.
It's been about ten months now,
that Daddy has been gone,
He's living with some woman,
in our old, familiar home.
So me and my brother and sister,
moved into a home that was new,
We live here with Papaw and Mama,
still praying for God to come through.
A contest entry
- Become a Favourite! by BabyBun.
400 points, ended November 3, 2008, 47 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Lotsa Options.. Come and see!!! by FightOffYourDemons.
550 points, ended December 8, 2008, 35 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please let me know what you think.
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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A modern tragedy.
I was from a bit of a broken home myself and can really identify with this one. You could maybe extend this poem and make it into an epic, I think that the subject matter is strong enough. Very well written.
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oh lass...
this is so sad but written in a very clever way.
Im not from a broken home....go figure...i was still screwed up....it's all what ya make it lass.
Great writing!
thanks for reading mine little gypsy....
knowing what a good writer you are makes your comment valued ten fold.
Blessings lass,
Lowell
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You are very very welcome!
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awesome
this is one of the best poems i have read...i cant even find the right words to explain it.
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pretty much exactly like my lif
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story of my childhood,
well written keep it up
-jake-
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Awe, so sad, full of emotion, and just flawless!
I myself suffered from a broken home thankfully i was never beaten.
An amazing poem!
Sorry it took me so long to comment back.
-Mandi
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Ok...this one is truly FANTASTIC. Not only is the rhyme very natural and unforced, the emotion is so real, innocent, and relatable. I felt for you as I read this.
Great job keeping the flow even. Not choppy at all.
Loved it!
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Yeah. That about sums it up. I can relate because I had a broken home until my parents got the divorce. I've been a father since age 7, raising my younger brother to be a man and not a prick. Keep writing. It suits you. You have to talent to let it out, so keep doing it.
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Wow
This really blew me away...its just...wow
Really strong emotion
Great flow
I'm having trouble typing out a coherent comment because this has had a profound effect on me...
If i could give you 4 claps i would
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far too often this goes on, children becoming pawns to their parents rage, and indifference, I am glad that this story is on its way to a somewhat happier ending. great write.~~Artis
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Okay, sorry about this but these things have to be said.
First off between the background, which btw should match your poem, and the font you can't even read this poem with0out highlighting it.
Secondly, you broke a rule, i know that this is a sensitive situation but this poem is so clichey and overdone. I have heard almost the exact smae thing over and over again.
Sorry
Thanks for entering -
Hi - didn't care for the background I'm afraid - it put me off the poem a li.ttle
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welcome to all poetry
Hi razor-blade27
This is an amazing poem the last stanza is my favorite please keep writing, reading and commenting
Barbara
site greeter
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YAY!!!
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