There's a beauty fluttering in the park,
The sound of its wings is music in the dark.
A child wants it: captured;
A child wants its colors: fractured.
Hence the butterfly is caught;
and now it's dead.
Its fluttering sounds now naught ...
Author notes
Prompt - Capturing Silence
(40 words)
About the image: I was looking for a photo to go along with poem and I found this, which fits perfectly, I think. Credit goes to http://th01.deviantart.com/fs11/300W/i/2006/238/8/1/Death_Butterfly_by_FotoJenn.jpg
This poem has been revised thanks to the lovely myrataal
I think it reads and flows much better this way. Thank you dear Myra
In a list
A contest entry
- Share your poems with me by trekkergirl.
550 points, ended November 6, 2008, 174 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Quickie: Prewrites allowed. 10 lines or less by BrittlesSkittles.
800 points, ended November 30, 2008, 22 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 35 of 35
-
Quite honestly I think there is a bit too much punctuation for such a short piece -
I suppose its personal preference though.
Nice write. -
WOW! this poem is so questionable and different! i love the style and form. there is symbolism behind it that you have to think about in order to understand. this is exactly what i wanted! thanks for entering!! =]
-
Great discriptive poem of the way it goes with children. Unable to hold something with this beauty with the softness and sensitivity needed. Very well written.
-
Awe this is sweet and sad
Yes in the wonders of the world even the smallest of the human race learns very young to look at the beauty yet dont touch
-
WOW!!! i love it, what an amazing photograph, i love photography and that it amazing, you poem is fabulous i love it all well done.
-
I love this one by you! It's one of my favs! Coming again..
-
I do think that I have seen this wonder poem before. I remember liking it the first time i read it and I can't say that anything has changed with the second reading except that perhaps I like it even more. Great job writing this my friend and thanks for joining my contest.
-
Oi, such a wonderful write something that truly captures the readers attention. well done.
-
See, this is why I said you cannot be a teenager! Too much depth. Only thing- the 2nd to last line needs an apostrophe in "its." I know- I'm worse than an English teacher with PMS. Well, I did live with one...
-
-
Thank you so much! I can't believe I did not notice that
-
-
This is a most excellent and wonderful poem. It's so true as a child we don't care of the feelings of life and what they can fulfill. They are but play toys. I remember when butterflies were rampant I would catch one and rip it's wings off. Now theres no more then one to see in the meadow. It's all my fault. Ahem...Love the write.
-
This is so gorgeous. You capture the innocence of the child and the sadness of life all in one. So well done. Best to you in the contest
-
awwwww..... first off this is a wonderful picture you have it. It goes very well with the poem. As the poem is about a butterfly being caught. You use imagery very well and the flow to this poems is very smooth. You were also very creative in writing this. Good job
-
It was and still is such a pleasure for me to read this poem ...
for it is both reality and reminder of the fragility of innocence. Great metaphor! MG (Myra Gold) for this one!
Love
Myra -
-
Yay! I got an MG! Hehehe. Thank you so much for your lovely comment Myra
-
-
The picture and your words go together so well I love the photograph btw, the kid is so adorable!
Coming back to your poetry, i love the first two lines the most!
-
Outstanding
This was interesting to read - slightly somber and very sad. It is an intriguing metaphor for capturing silence and I thought the link added even more depth to the poem. Over -all this is a dark poem that speaks of emptiness. Best of luck in the contest.
-
You have put so much (thought, feeling, beauty, sadness) into few lines. Another talent I admire greatly. I think it can leave more of an impact, when done well. The picture does fit perfectly with your words.
This is excellent, I'd give it a gold...
-
Nice concept
I love the mixture of the beauty and the waste that only an innocent child can bring to such a fragile creature.
Well done
-
Bravo bravo bravo! this is magnificent! I love the titles, the feeling, and true. Fragile flyng flowers dancing in the dark. Wonderful sweetheart. Truly,
jin
-
Great take on the prompt and a great pic also!!!!
A brilliantly worded poem..the combo of words and pic remind me so well.. of kids curiosity of insects etc and how innocently, they may kill one...to be so disappointed when this object of curiosity no longer shows any sign of life!!
-
PERFECT.
This is Gold. I simply LOVE it -- the irony and the sad of it, and the way in which it teaches a deep lesson of truth.
You are a sparkle in the dark.
Myra
-
The picture is gorgeous, firstly.
The actual poem is amazing too.. i'm speechless actually.
Brilliant work =)
-
Again Beautiful
You are rolling now, keep up the fantastic work looks like everybodies reading you now. Congrats! Best of luck again, Boog
-
ya killed it well little 1 did
shockin lol
cheers for now babes
abe
-
Great picture to go with your words...but he killed it, so sad...I always tried to not touch their wings so they could fly again...loved their silent beauty, still do...nicely done in imagery and flow...thank you for entering!
mystic -
Amazing
That... is amazingly deep
I'm not sure if I can really explain what its like on this
So I will leave it at this
-
Rather sad, this. Again, you demonstrate a real ability to create vivid imagery. You have a good visual sense about your writing.
Garrison
-
WONDERFUL!!!!!
Yes, this sure does fit the picture!'s I used to do this except I would hold one in my hand gently and watch it fly away.'s
-
My
how i can remember such childish deeds. never to realize the beauty of the butterfyl I just destroyed. Ylova this pice is perfect for the picture and should bring a gold young poet.
-
Aw he killed it
a fascinating take you have done with this one hon.
Such a cute picture
Best wishes and good luck in the contest
Julie
-
This is something new. Starts of real beautiful and then wham! Dead, and that too, because of the innocence of another being. I loved the pic, and the serenity shown by the poem. Just beautiful. Keep it going! Good luck with the contest!
-
Stunning
Beautiful piece
P.S. I could just imagine a butterfly after a child has had it.
-
Ok, I got it!!! Dont tell me 5 minutes???? good lord! you have done a fantastic job with this, and I feel as though this piece should have been mine!!!!!!!!!
Nice thoughts, nice ideas!!! - it reminds me of the cats play with mice! like this butterfly that attracts little kids, but little do they realise that it is the precious life of the innocent butterfly. Good take on the prompt
great job!
Lencio
-
I like this, very sad though that when a beautiful thing is no longer allowed to make a sound of beauty. Perfect picture by the way. best of luck in the contest!
~Noor
Adding your comment:
1 - 35 of 35
