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Happiness, oh yes!

don’t act as if you've never known me
it hasn’t been that long ago
I raced my moped
past your home
where swaggerer you shouted after me  –

I made you blush with filthy words
but still, I have been much contended over
and not by you alone

I changed a bit though over the years -
no need for fucking any more 

oh yes, you know me from there -
my name is happiness
I do poetry now
with subtle fingers
and a double tongue

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments


  • Blooming Poet
    October 15, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Welcome To AP

    It's hard for me to see and obvious thought pattern and the statements you are trying to make without any puncuation. I would recommend adding commas where needed and periods at the end of each thought. The material and emotions are here you just need to make them more clear.

    Molly
    Site Greeter


    • nelleke
      October 16, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Hi Molly

      Thanks for your welcome, and for commenting on this one. You feel a need for interpunction, my question is: 'why?' What is it that you don't understand now that would be clearer if I added comma's and periods? The poem, by the way, was meant to make you laugh - no idea if i succeeded in that... :-)
      Thanks again, greets, Nelleke