I went to a grassland for the very first time
the very sight displacing my eyes for two sugar candies the size of dime
It seemed to me like a white paper painted green
but what impressed me more was it's glowing rays-like sheen
The person who owned this is surely the greatest landlord
perhaps that's why we refer god as the wealthiest lord
Like in any kingdom,in this too, sans exception
we had a fight started between two of it's citizens at the shot of a gun
The fighters-cum-citizens were two cows
while the judges-cum-elite citizens comprised two doves
Who sat on either of cows' head
and rested occassionally as if it were a cushioned bed
They flew in time whenever the horned heads dashed
not wanting to die a tomato death getting mashed
While judging the contest that the cows fought bravely
the blood oozing out swearing-in-pride testimony
They became sure that the contest would near no end as the sun disappeared and the moon appeared
soon the moon followed suit and the sun re-appeared
The fight getting prolonged like a dried dry-gum finally came to a hustling halt
when the judge-doves intending no addition to the wounds any salt
Stopped the cow-fight
and immediatly flew out of sight
When everybody including I were eager about the judgement
which meant that the loser-cow would thereupon live paying a said-rent
Did I hear the loud cheers of the animal-fans,human-gapers and the like
as the two judge-doves appeared like a lightning-to-strike
The two,for a long time flew around the two fighters
indicating the difficulty in judging a battle thats hard and terse
Finally flew down in a pace slower than the snails
as I bit,chew and spit all my nails
And perched on the head of the white-ter cow
signalling racism-cum-victory in a fashion patented to the dove
Author notes
option 5 - fantasy
- The freedom to promote your poems and group list • next in list
A contest entry
- Take My Breath Away(Anything you Want) by goingnowherefast.
675 points, ended October 19, 2008, 105 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Turn those greenies into Gold (or silver or bronze) pt 8 by whispernthedark.
700 points, ended October 25, 2008, 52 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Narrative Fantasy Poems by Demington.
950 points, ended October 22, 2008, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - My first contest :) Loads of Options, Allowing Pre-writes. Come in and see:D by chilali.
700 points, ended November 5, 2008, 52 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Rhymed prewrites only ... by ecrivain01.
750 points, ended November 14, 2008, 61 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Make this THE largest Contest EVER on AP [enter, enter, enter!] by Symphony.
18000 points, ended April 28, 2009, 981 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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Wow! beautiful poem thank you for sharing!
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Okay. I read this and without actually knowing what was going on, i can tell you that there was a lot of bias going on here regardless of the outcome. I like the way you used the two cows and the doves to get across a message that needs to be listened to. Gods home being used as a battle ground for those who can't get along...and others judging so wrongly regardless of who was at fault. Very well written.
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Hmmm. This was interesting; I'm not 100% sure how to reply; it started out with my full attention, because it was unusual and quite funky - and the rhyme seemed to be working well.
However, you lost me at,
"The fighters-cum-citizens were two cows
while the judges-cum-elite citizens comprised two doves"
for two reasons, one being that the rhymes went out the window
and the second being that the writing-like-this-was-hard-to-read-for-me. I know what effect you were going for with it, but, it just didn't work for me; not saying it didn't work at all, just not by own style of interest.
With that said, I don't know what I would suggest for improvement either, so, sorry
I think this is a pretty void, useless comment - but thank you for entering 
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Good luck with this in the next contest.
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A very interesting write. I enjoyed reading it. Thank you for entering my contest and best of luck to you. One more thing! You forgot to mention "the itsy bitsy spider climbed up the water spout" in your AN Please do! Thank you once again.
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LOL!
Creative, original and different! I'm not too sure exactly what to think of this fantasy poem, but it's a very good start to what could be a most interesting and meaningful poem. Th metaphor of cows in a pasture and a simple battle of wits (perhaps) is indeed intriguing! Good job! -
The poem is interesting, but still in the very early, very rough stages of its developement. You might try playing around with the ideas of cutting the unnecessaries and molding the line breaks in order to allow the poem to breathe a bit more.
While this does not sparkle as a finished product, it definitely glimmers as a gold mine buried beneath a fair deal of work.
Keep writing and keep working on this one. It has definite potential. Just don't forget that brevity is the soul of wit.
Blessings,
C
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Very interesting write. Unfortunately I can't consider it when judging as this contest is for honorable mention winning poems only. Thank you.
♥
whisper
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A real cow-ed story!
Interesting poem, imaginative images and construction! The meaning, however escapes me? Diverse statements and fun stuff happening in this poem! Good work!
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