A secret that haunts my waking dreams
Eroding away at my conscience
My innocence taken
My emotions grown cold
Unable to comprehend
Why Me?
I was only a child
An innocent soul still seeking truth
My trust was wrongfully placed
An evil deed ensued
Without cause or refrain
Violated in the most despicable way
Unable to make a sound
Could not stop him
What terrible pain
Why Me?
Fearing to go to bed
Knowing the terror that awaited
A boys dreams now nightmares
Never ending torment
What wrongs did I do
To deserve such degradation
Enduring such pain
Unable to scream
Not knowing its end
Why Me?
I would pray for death
Every time he entered me
Pushing deeper inside
Such intolerable pain
I could not tell a soul
Great embarrassment and fear
I would be at fault
I should have stopped him
But how could I?
Why Me?
Unconceivable acts
Forced upon my innocence
Such a terrible taste
Constantly gagging
Nightmares still ensue
Emotions almost empty
My innocence was stolen
My childhood destroyed
Such horrible memories
Why Me?
Why Me?
Why Me?
© 2008 Gerald W. Locke Jr.,
Author notes
This was an extremely difficult write for me. I wish I could say this poem was nothing more then a nightmare. These events still haunt me to this day. These events are a secret to everyone that knows me - and I do mean EVERYONE. I am hoping that by putting it in words it will in some way help to ease my mind.
A contest entry
- Deepest Secrets REAVELED! by Sick Sunshine.
1000 points, ended October 28, 2008, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Thank you so much for sharing this. It must not have been easy. I too, know where you come from. But if it's any conselation, you have the ability to tell what's on your mind in a way that others can feel without having experienced such events themselves, and that makes you a true artist. Best wishes to you & g'luck in the contest.
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Wow! This is gut wrenching and I can relate to what this kind of absue does to a child. Writing can be so healing and just remember that you could not have stopped it. A child is never a match for an adult in any way. I wrote something that relates to this if you are interested.
http://allpoetry.com/poem/4307721
I know just how tough this was to write for you, but one must not bury the pain, but look at it, in order to heal. I wish you peace and healing. Blessings, Patty -
so many of thouasnds of people in this world have been abused in some way, and so few of that large number speak up because it is too sore, the memories too strong, too teriffying...
"Fearing to go to bed
Knowing the terror that awaited
A boys dreams now nightmares
Never ending torment"
I suffer recurring nightmares. I never experienced ongoing abuse, but, suffer badly from nightmares of waking up to someone on my bed, clothed all in black, cannot see a face. There was a period of time where I could not sleep if it were dark outside .. so i understand thes night terrors you experience
a large for you.
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I didn't realize how many other people this has happened to till I started this contest... you are not alone... memories will never leave... but the future leads brighter days... better memories.. I feel your pain. thank you for sharing. -
Thank you everyone for your prayers and kind words. This is something that was EXTREMELY difficult for me to write and took my mind to a place that left me in mourning the rest of the evening. My way of dealing with it then was to just dissolve all of my emotions and become an empty shell. Ultimitaly, that has caused me trouble in life now - emotions are something that I have a difficult time feeling most of the time.
Again, thank you for your prayers and kind words. They mean more to me then you could imagine. -
You are very brave for what you have penned, to write is to re-live at times. I felt your pain through every word. Peace.
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I applaud you for your ability to write of events so painful that will forever be apart of you. It is difficult to write through the tears I shed for the child inside of you. Good Luck in the contest and my prayers are with you. Stay Strong and God Bless, Jo-Ann
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Wow! This is painfully sad and I am sorry this was your experience. The first step in healing is sharing and not keeping the secret inside. You were an innocent child and have no blame. The shame is not yours. Give it back to the abuser. I can relate to this pain and I know first hand how much those memories haunt over and over. I have done a lot of work through the years in counseling and though it has been very tough, it has been the best thing I ever did to free myself. Does it ever go away? No, but it can get better. I wish you healing and this poem is a wonderful way to start the process. You can help so many other victims by sharing your story. I have a poem you may relate to. http://allpoetry.com/poem/4307721
Great job, and I wish you the best in the contest. Blessings, Patty
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