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Drowning in Chaos

My life is like a wave crashing into the doldrums of my mind

I try to fight back the crushing power that threatens to send me into blackness

The surface is grim, with gray skies and dreary clouds

But at least I can breathe

Without warning, another wave comes and forces me back into the depths

Author notes

Option 2: 5 lines

A contest entry

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • leander Moderators member
    November 30, 2008

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    Although I would have broken the lines a bit more here and there, you have used some good poetic devices here.
    Thank you for the entry!
    Leander


  • BrittlesSkittles
    November 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I love the simile! Beautifully written and definitely emotional. I want to know more and I'm thinking about the possibilities this poem holds. This is exactly what I wanted. Thanks for entering!


  • trekkergirl
    October 23, 2008

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    wow I like this one. I do like the background too. I think it adds a lot to this poem. I can see how it has one a gold trophy too. You wrote a very short but very powerful poem here. Thanks for joining this contest.


  • Chocoholic156
    October 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I love how you put this into a very nice first person, the line:

    But at least I can breathe

    is my favorite line. You did very well with these five lines.
    Just one word of advice. I had to highlight the words so the contrast would be better. I don't like having to work to read the poems. There are a lot to read and comment as it is. Please work with the contrast, you may think it looks better all dark, but it just increases my irritability.
    Good job with this poem, and good luck.

1 - 6 of 6