Winter overthrows Autumn,
smothers her brilliant flames -
Not by gentle, gradual swaddling
with gracious beauty of
delicate eider down,
but bitter icy onslaught.
Stolen,
long-awaited dreams, near harvest;
“We’ll wait until...”
now knells, “Too late!”
Nemesis unforeseen!
Flung into disease’s alien depths,
gasping in
oblivion’s frigid grip -
I miss
myself
Author notes
KHRONOS (or Chronus) was the primeval god of time in the Orphic cosmogonies.
nemesis: an implacable foe
Prompt: "Between" Image Credit: Lonely Window by Chris Conrad 2003 and "The hand held between lonely" 50 words.
A contest entry
- Between by Pamela A Lamppa.
1750 points, ended October 28, 2008, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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There is much power in the verse with potential for greater things than a 50 word limit.
"Not by gentle, gradual swaddling
with gracious beauty of
delicate eider down,
but bitter icy onslaught."
I think this would have worked a bit better as:
of gracious beauty with...
"long-awaited" should not be hyphenated and because it is, this brings your word count over by one, however,
your poem presents beautiful imagery. I loved the title; the old world reference to time and change and seasons blending.
All of the loudness falls gently soft in the missing of self. That is a truly beautiful touch and settles the prompts nicely.
My favorite part is the ending which makes this more than the usual entry for an image and phrase prompt. It is the strongest section of the entire piece and it brings flavor and delicate care through the emotions evoked. One can tell this section came from the soul.
I enjoyed this energetic verse and thank you for your entry. Best of luck in the judging. ~Pamela
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Wow! Such depth of feeling in this write! I was left feeling a great loss. Exceptional! Best to you in the contest!
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This poem hurts. I feel like I'm alienating myself from people left and right. It's just too painful.
I can relate.
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This is a really interesting take on the prompt. I quite enjoyed it. Very creative and imaginative, just as I'd expect from you! Good luck in the contest!
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I like the visual distance at the end,
also the metaphor comes across vividly
and intense. I like how this relates
to inner turmoil of reaching out. Blue
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I can see what you are trying to do, with that detached "myself". It's taking some getting used to, because it seems to make the poem overbalance on the page. Brilliant extended metaphor, though.
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