With this razor!
I want to write your name in my flesh.
for you have cut me deep.
I want to write ur name in my flesh.
with this sharp razor.
I want to let the blood drip.
I want to feel the pain.
I want to let u know that you have caused what happened today.
how could you do that.
you promised me you wouldn’t.
you promised me with the razor that you wouldn’t for me.
but you took the razor.
n sharpen it with pain.
yes you took the razor and engraved my name.
you didn't stop the blood.
no you let it drip.
you let it bleed for hours till you fell asleep.
now im alone.
im with the same razor.
now im alone because of you.
but I wont be for long.
what do think? what make it sound stupid? were can i fix it?
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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nice write
honest and heartfelt; some of these lines are very strong. with a bit of revision between punctuation and spell check, this could be even greater. Just go through it and read it in your head and aloud and think about where the pauses are, and where the long sentences need to be broken up. If this is true I hope you find something to help you through the pain, something that doesn't make it worse. Thanks for stopping by my author page. 
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bub
i love this, i can relate so much.
i love it -
WOW...........
Thats Pretty Deep
I Thought It Was Great ! -
I thought this was deep and do not change a word as it is how you feel don't tamper with that, I just noticed a view typeo's give it a read over and you should see them, other then that this was a fantastic write my friend.
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brilliant
i love it . And i can sort of relate to it because my sister used to self harm. Its very deep. xx
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wow
i was moving but kinda stuck on the idea that emos cut ...i am not calling you emo and i loved this poem try to work on i wana rite your name in my flesh.
for you have cut me deep.
i wana rite ur name in my flesh.
with this sharp razor.
i wana let the blood drip.
i wana feel the pain.
i wana let u know that you have cuased wat happened toda dont use to much slang i no i do it my self
i realy liked
but you took the razor.
n sharpen it with pain.
yes you took the razor and engraved my name.
i lke how you kinda put cutting with love and the ider of the name being cut into you is verey good
ok i cut and still do i dont like that i do and try to stop
you should stop befor you get addicted like me
the pai n is like my drug
at 1st i did it to solve my problems but now i do it for a cheap thrill
and i am vere scared cos of it
love this poem and keep written
robynxx
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yea! like it..
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this is so good !!keep writing!!loved this:))
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