suns rise
and suns fall,
days race past,
flowers wilt
while the trees grow wise,
leaves fall unoticed,
overlooked by ignorant eyes,
night brings new wonder,
moons fade
only to become whole
once again,
stars shine forever bright,
forever keyholes
to the white light of heaven,
galaxies dance,
constellations shine,
this incredible complex simplicity,
overcomes the mind,
peaceful understanding
and splendor washes over,
but only for glances that linger
with the patience for natural beauty,
the sun rises again,
life is awakened,
still without second thought,
night's magic, and the sunlight's radiance
forever to be forgot
Author notes
so please, any suggestions? give me your worst. please feel free to express what this makes you feel, i have to read this in front of my class so anything to help it would be much appreciated.
peace.
A contest entry
- Take My Breath Away(Anything you Want) by fairytalelovestory.
675 points, ended October 19, 2008, 106 entries
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600 points, ended October 19, 2008, 15 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Wool sweater and an old chair. by Freswinn.
700 points, ended October 25, 2008, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - All Sorts of Options; prewrites welcome by DramaQueen469.
380 points, ended October 16, 2008, 24 entries
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526 points, ended October 17, 2008, 50 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Goodbye Poetry by poppa.
14089 points, ended October 18, 2008, 57 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Best of Poetry by headintheclouds.
450 points, ended October 30, 2008, 44 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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Good Write Thank you for entering my contest and good luck!
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I really like this poem. It is beautiful.
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humm yep me likey
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wonderful! Very well written!
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Very impressive! It's beautiful. Well done, and good luck!
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To give my worst, hmm... I can see a lot of potential in this poem. I feel the poem is too generalized and attempts to make itself grandeos; you could possibly tighten the timeline that it takes place in to something very short, perhaps the span of one single cycle of sun and moon.
Those are my feelings on it at any rate. -
this is beautiful but even in free form I think that there should be line breaks somewhere to give the reader a place to pause and reflect on what they're reading. Great job though thanks for entering
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good descriptive poem! i liked the title! good luck!
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The title made this a must-read for me. It was just so appealing. I like the imagery, due to my own personal taste the image painted in my mind depicting the moon and night sky are amazing. Thank you for writing this. It is wonderful.
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well thank you! that means so much to me =)
peace. and love.
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Your class will love it!! I sure did. I mean every since my life changed, I do take time out for the simple things that go unnoticed. We look for beauty in women, men , cars, jewelry and the like, but there are things far more beautiful that are free and all around us everyday. If anyone never, ever knew what they were, they would know now after reading this wonderful piece of artwork here. I mean you describe everything that we overlook but yet so beautiful to look at. Even a wilted flower can be beautiful if you find the irony and beauty in it. Good luck in ALL of your contests
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thank you so much!!! it means a lot that you would spend so much time on a comment for me and my little poem...haha i really appreciate it. =)
peace.love.
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I think you've written something starkly moving! The only criticism I can think of is that some may want your rhyme-scheme to be more consistent. I don't think that it is necessary to rhyme all throughout a poem, but rhyme does add flavor. Good luck! Peace.
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good luck
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Ty for entering and good luck
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Hmm, this is very unique but before I comment any furthur please inform me of which option this is
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